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Previous - this entry written on January 25, 2005 at 7:40 am - Next ...and what do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway... you won't know me, and I'll never be what you want me to be. ...I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. Doesn't matter... I'll shrug it off and go on. I'll keep doing what I've started, finish off this dance, and go on to find another. And another. And another. ...and I want to tell you who I am... ...they can't break me... Funny thing is that I'm not... not sad. For the first time, these tears are relief, natural and cleansing, not full of pain. For the first time in a long time, thinking your Name doesn't leave me wanting to scream... just leaves me smiling. I guess I'm still hoping that I'll have you - some things I can't just forget, can't just ignore. What I CAN do though, is let myself remain here. Still me. Still whole. Still real. It took some doing, over the past couple months, to patch up a couple of the holes. There are still a couple buttons that if they were pushed, I... would have problems. But overall, I'm here. This was the closest I've come to having a shoulder to cry on in a long time, you know. Understanding without involvement is hard to find. He'll never be you - none of them ever will. I'll never really let you go emotionally, I will always want you safe, want you near, want you mine. ...and how can the world want me to change... they're the ones that stay the same... they can't see me... Slowly, I'm reappearing. Reforming. Thank you for that, love. Thank you for this rebirth. I think maybe I needed it. When all is said and done... I'm still here. I won't leave. ...and draw us near... and bind us tight... all your children here in our rags of light... in our rags of light, all dressed to kill... and end this night... if it be your will... Tonight, I've had a chance to see just where my soul is bound, just where my heart's threads were tangled. Everything... clarified. ...from this broken hill... Today, I sing. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
