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Previous - this entry written on July 13, 2005 at 11:22 pm - Next ...I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you... It's been one hell of a fucked-up 24-48 hours. I can't even find words for most of it. Where do I begin? ...it's a damn cold night, tryin' to figure out this life... won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new... I don't know who you are... There's a collar around my throat. Rhett is alive. There is a purchase order for a dark iron circle. I may be switching back to Bonechewer full-time. I may be switching doctors. I may be going insane. I have Kadin's OryCon badge in my backpack. I have a tiny round waterproof vibrator. I have a headache. One of my friends is likely to do something stupid over another of my friends. Another friend is furious with yet another friend for as far as I can tell, no reason, and they're trying to put me in the middle. ...sometimes ups outnumber the downs... Seriously, this is not a day I am coping with well. I'm keeping up a half-decent pretense but I'm about this close *pinches fingers together* from freaking out. I... *sighs* ...I'm inclined to believe if we weren't so down, we'd up and leave... we'd up and fly if we had wings for flyin'... can't you see the tears we're cryin'... I don't know what to do. ...can't there be some happiness for me... I don't know what to say. ...see I don't know why I liked you so much, I gave you all of my trust... I told you I loved you, now that's all down the drain, you put me through pain, I want to let you know how I feel... I'm afraid of where I'm going now. ...fuck what I said, it don't mean shit now... I think I've finally made one promise too many. I... *shivers* ...I regret. I wish I hadn't. I want to take it back. I know it's going to fuck me up. ...fuck what I did, it was your fault somehow... fuck all the cryin', it didn't mean jack... Seriously. Not. Coping. Yeah, give me a few hours and I'll have the masks back up. I'm GOOD at that. I've spent a lot of years perfecting them. Meh. I think I'll go look for Kat. Talk to her. Wait to see if there's a response to the email. I... ...if you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted... one moment... could you capture it? Meltdown. Total, utter meltdown. I can't do this. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
