Pills... yeesh. The thing is, some bodies are simply faulty, they don't work right, through no fault of the body's current user. It used to be that we didn't have any way to compensate for most of the ways bodies could go wrong or start out wrong, a LOT of people died or spent their lives being utterly miserable and frequently sick. Now? We've learned how to prevent some problems and how to deal with - note I didn't say cure - others. For some things, there is no cure yet. All there is are pills, and your choice is take the pills and be a bit more functional, or don't take them and don't function. It's not about weakness, it's not about anything other than the fact that your body DOES NOT WORK and the ONLY realistic thing you can do is take a medication that helps, but does not cure, the problem.

Speaking of medications, I still have none. How's that for ironic, Torian can get all she wants and doesn't want any, I want some and can't get a damn thing. There is something seriously fucked-up with the universe, in my opinion. I'm actually kind of glad I don't know anyone else who can get ahold of medications that easily, the temptation to buy, beg, borrow, or steal something tonight would be pretty irresistable. As it is, I'm going to stay home in hiding instead of going over to Dixon Household because over there I'd end up emptying a bottle of something alcoholic and gods know what else.

I actually dreamed about finding a forgotten bottle of painkillers, at one point earlier - did I mention I fell asleep unmedicated? I just kinda passed out. Woke up curled up on the floor with the phone ringing. I dreamed of pets (mostly a rabbit, but some aqua-based pets, some cows, and a couple of dogs too), knitting, and pills... gods, did I ever dream about pills. I wish I hadn't woken up. It hurts now, I'm having an anxiety attack, I can't get ahold of my doctors, and I'm crying.

Sometimes I love my life. Right this second, I'd trade with just about anyone.