And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.

I miss you so much tonight... miss you in ways I don't think I could dare to say to you, were you here beside me. Weakness. Foolish. Pointless.

Undeniable. Overwhelming. Endless.

I miss you like I would miss cool water on my lips, a breeze to cool my skin, the taste of blood, the sound of my own heartbeat... or the sound of yours. Even that simple sound, I can remember it. My memory constantly fails me, but I can remember the sound of your heartbeat as we held each other. I no longer wonder if there was some way to make this less painful. I guess it's progress. I sometimes go entire weeks without waking up suddenly, turning to look at you, reaching...

...and you're not there.

If I told this to you, you'd assume I was just pouring out pretty words, or trying to somehow mindfuck you into something, or... gods, I don't even have TIME to list all the things I suspect with some justificaton you'd think. The simple fact is that I am still left hollow without you. I wish it were otherwise; I pray it never changes. I couldn't bear forgetting you.

I love you. I miss you.

My computer is being moved over from the condo tonight. My mind is rather unpleasantly shadowed. Meh.

And YES, I'm taking the anti-depressants still. This is me on painkillers, antidepressants, seizure medication, blood pressure medication... I should be relaxed, happy, comfortable. Instead I'm tense, aching, melancholy, and still in enough pain that walking across a room leaves me with spots in my vision and my spine on fire for a good half-hour. Tell me that's not fucked up. *sigh*