In Which our Hero Searches for a Good Defense
Previous - this entry written on 2001-04-22 at 3:38 a.m. - Next


It's very late at night. Or very early in the morning. I'm no longer sure which. Al I know is that it's nearly 4:00 am, Pacific Standard Time, and I am awake. I went to bed at 7:00 pm. This is not normal for me - normal for me is to have NO sleep schedule, but certainly not even a hint of one that sends me to bed during early/mid evening.



I actually didn't get to sleep until almost 8:00... damn cat kept trying to attack me and hide under the blankets and sit on my head. I strongly dislike that cat some days. However, I DO know that I got at least six hours of sleep.



I had some fucked-up dreams, too. One of them was an odd tangle of science-fiction movies... it ended with a supergirl-type chick (you've seen blade runner, right? And the Matrix? Almost like that.) falling... dying... I'd been meowing, climbing some sort of support beam, trying to get up to where she was, to stop her... I knew if she jumped, she'd show everyone what she was, and that even if she lived, they'd try to take her away.



I've had this dream before. Yeah, I get recurring dreams. However, usually after about the third or fourth time, I start realizing, not that they are dreams, but that somehow I already know what's going on. Every now and then I figure out it's a dream for a few seconds, but then I sink deeper and forget again. However, once I know what's going on... well, I start trying to change it.



This usually works out badly.



In this case, however, it got me some cool results. Some of them were odd... Caleb and I were following around this male prostitute through a bizarre half-underground creepy city, like the sets from "City of Lost Children" and "Batman" mixed. All dark and citylike with lots of alleys and wickedness. And for some reason, I thought we were in Astoria. *shrug*



We followed this prostitute after he propositioned us once and we both said no... then talked about it, and realized that even though he was like 10, we wanted to talk to him. *blinks* This worries me.



Eventually we got split up... I found the boy, and he offered again... I told him I wanted to talk, that I'd pay him to talk instead of fuck. He liked this idea. Gods, that poor boy... I understood why he was so desperate. He didn't want to take off his shirt, but thought he should show me, so I understood. It was nasty, like... well, like something out of an Alien movie, I guess... his chest was literally starting to fall apart, all gross and fleshy. *shudders*



He put the shirt back on, and cried on my shoulder a lot. Apparently I was the first person who had cared in years or something.



Caleb came in then, and asked me why I wasn't fucking the kid.



Even in my dreams, apparently, everyone thinks I'm a cradle robber. I'm NOT, though. At least I don't think so.



Yeah, I prefer younger guys... 17, 18, 19... that's the age when they are old enough to start having rational conversations, but young enough to still be trainable. But that's based entirely on those two factors and personality... Caleb, for example, has the personality I want, but he's what, 23? 24? I don't remember for sure how old Rhett is, but I know he's at least as old as me... I have no problem with people my own age or older, if they actually have a personality I can deal well with. It's just that the specific personalities I prefer tend to crop up more in that 17-19 age range. *shrug*



I've been feeling kinda guilty about this, lately. As if I really AM doing something wrong... however, if I lived in Canada, as long as they were 16 it'd be ok. If I lived in... oh, Bankok or something, I could find 12-year-olds if I wanted. See? It's relative... ok, so 12-year-olds aren't entirely relative, but you get my point.



It's the 17-year-olds I feel guilty about, purely because in America, for anyone over 19 to lust over a 17-year-old is a crime.



Impressive, isn't it? This is the country that will willingly engage in biological warfare against ALL BOUNDS of treaties WE signed... but look wrong at someone more than two years younger, and you're a criminal.



"All I need is a good defense, 'cos I'm feeling like a criminal..." I love that song.



Now if I just HAD a good defense, I'd be set. Until then... *shrug* ...at least Kadin's 18 now. *grin*

Previous - Next
Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven -
- Do Not Feed The Moose -




Human Pets!

Latest
Older
First

Profile
Cast
Disclaimer

Links
Pants
Porn
Addiction
Blowjobs

Notes
Guestbook

Art
Writings
Bad
Poetry
Collection
The Girls

Old-time
Radio
Techno
VideoSift
The Boxes
#submission

Hosted
at D-land