I Had A Dream, Reprise
Previous - this entry written on 2001-08-14 at 3:52 p.m. - Next


This is long, complicated, and confusing.

The kitten leaves tomorrow morning.

His dominant part just sold off my subbie part, one of them, to SC - the girl's name is nanashi. It means 'nameless one'. This is... odd.

He spent a lot of time in the cage last night, being small.

He missed my smell, because I smelled like Slash for a while instead of me.

He's been eating yogurt.

He's mostly packed now, but we need to do laundry.

He's got a huge bunch of soda pop tops.

He and I had sex this morning when I was still half awake, and it was fun and good.

He's going to shave when he gets home, which is sad. I like the little scrubble-beard-thing he's got going on... it's more a goatee and sideburns. It's very cute and pettable.

Still soft.

Gods, he's so YOUNG... young enough to hurt.

Don't ask.

This entry... there's lots I should write about, Slash and Caleb, Grr, Scott, Rhett and Rob and Daris and Nreshan and Seit... a billion people... but no.

He leaves tomorrow and this is about HIM, unconditionally, unashamedly. I miss him already, and it's hard to even write this because it makes me realize how much more I'm going to miss him.

I'm going to miss feeling his hands touching me, just little gentle touches to let me know he's there, reassuring both of us at the same time, such wonderful contact...

I'm going to miss his mews, his whimpers, the way he sings the most ridiculous and inappropriate things, even though it annoys me I'll MISS it, I'll miss it because it's something only he does so consistantly...

I'm going to miss looking into the cage and seeing him curled there, knowing that I own him, that he's here, that at any time I could call him out and hold him, fuck him, pet him, talk with him, anything...

I'm going to miss having him sit on my lap and feeling so strong... it's weird, but when I hold him, it makes me feel incredibly strong, as if I was suddenly a goddess. It's... yeah.

He does that for me.

He does that to me.

I'm going to miss wrapping my arms around him and falling asleep like that.

I'm going to miss having him prancing about in that desert robe - which, incidentally, is getting sent back with him. No one else here fits it and he looks so cute in it... *grin*

Well, technically it would fit eamon, but eamon does NOT get desert robe.

I'm talking in IRC with a bunch of the boy's friends... they are cool. Or at least interesting.

Later tonight/today/whatever, nanashi needs to hand over the $15... it goes to her Master. Not to her.

This feels... very strange. Very odd. Not uncomfortable exactly, but close. So many parts of me trying to say so much.

Raven: I'm going to miss Kaine. A LOT. He was quiet, he never expects the world to revolve around him and never interrupts unless he has something useful to say. He moves like a hunting animal. He looks, LOOKS, he's so intent on the universe, it's amazing to watch him, and I will miss him.

Sieia-To: I'm going to miss all of them... the boy as a whole is such a delightful challenge to understand, and such a fun toy to play with... he's amusing. QUITE amusing. Pity he can be so stubborn...

Alice: I wish I had known him... I wish I had gotten to really know him. But it's ok.

Nanashi: I'm going to miss... argh! And I still don't know his name... but I suppose that's fitting. Eh. I'll miss him. And maybe I'll even keep the mark in place... just to remind me of him.

Jax: DAMMIT, don't want him to go, want him to stay HERE! Funboy. I want him around. I want him around lots, 'cos he's good at being hyper and happy. He's a kiki! Kiki's are good. I wonder what he'd do if I gave him Pixi Stix?

KJ: Yeah, I'll miss him. I'm not gonna talk about it. That's pointless. And he's right, it does feel like the ending to a bad movie... great. I've got a bit part in a B movie, "Night Of Pain And Roses" or something tacky like that.

Rahani: *silence... but hugs for her boy, all the hugs he can ever carry and then some*

.........yeah.

I'm going to miss him.

He's my kitten... my slave... my slut... my friend... my partner... my playtoy... my lover... my... yeah.

Mate.

He is, that's the horrible thing. It feels as if he's meant to be with me, as if life without him is not going to ever feel quite right again. *sigh*

Which sucks, because he's going back to Canada.

He'll be there a while.

Maybe he'll be back, maybe he won't - we won't talk about that right now.

But he IS leaving.

It hurts to know that he's leaving.

I want him to come back. I want him to stay. I want to know that in ten years, twenty, if I'm still around... that I will wake up and see him beside me. That I will fall asleep listening to him singing under his breath. That I will be able to spend entire days joking around with him.

That he'll be there.

I'm going to miss him.

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