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What Once Was
Sometimes looking backward can be just as useful as looking up...


September 29, 2003
...and she said: ryan, help?

September 29, 2003
...and she said: Suicide

September 26, 2003
...and she said: Ryan! Pay Attention!

September 26, 2003
...and she said: Hell, at least my pants fit.

September 25, 2003
...and she said: Five answers to ONE question (yes, 0 is an answer)...

September 25, 2003
...and she said: ...grace? Try cold fury and unending hunger.

September 24, 2003
...and she said: It's a good day to be Jax, really.

September 24, 2003
...and she said: No Fish Here

September 24, 2003
...and she said: ...err... nope, not today?

September 24, 2003
...and she said: Alive? Well? Ehh... call it happy and leave it at that.

September 24, 2003
...and she said: It's Alright, It's Ok, It's Just Me

September 24, 2003
...and she said: still standing... err, sitting?

September 23, 2003
...and she said: -

September 23, 2003
...and she said: Headache doesn't BEGIN to describe it...

September 21, 2003
...and she said: awake sort of

September 20, 2003
...and she said: It Haunts My Every Footstep (and Sit Down, and Stand, and... yeah)

September 19, 2003
...and she said: Caffeine Is My *twitch* Friend...

September 19, 2003
...and she said: *nibbles on the Universe's legs*

September 18, 2003
...and she said: At least it's an update...

September 18, 2003
...and she said: *glues her hand to her forehead*

September 17, 2003
...and she said: erble

September 17, 2003
...and she said: Living Through Techno

September 17, 2003
...and she said: I'm trying... I'm VERY trying...

September 17, 2003
...and she said: ...and somehow, it's all OK

September 17, 2003
...and she said: Not Ever, Not For Anything

September 16, 2003
...and she said: MY pants, perhaps?

September 16, 2003
...and she said: Heh. The room smells like sex now, I suspect. And kitten-sneezes.

September 15, 2003
...and she said: Heh. Kitten In Pain.

September 12, 2003
...and she said: -

September 12, 2003
...and she said: Rush Job

September 11, 2003
...and she said: Plotting? Not yet...

September 10, 2003
...and she said: If Wishes Were Mooses...

September 09, 2003
...and she said: Impatient Jax Who Is Trying Not To Pace In These Shoes

September 09, 2003
...and she said: Rufus Rocks My World

September 08, 2003
...and she said: Some things are worth the trouble.

September 08, 2003
...and she said: *yawns, yawns again*

September 08, 2003
...and she said: Hrmph

September 08, 2003
...and she said: ...after all?

September 08, 2003
...and she said: ...the night is my companion...

September 08, 2003
...and she said: Morning, and the Absence of Breakfast

September 08, 2003
...and she said: Beam Me Up, Scotland

September 07, 2003
...and she said: Not coherant, but with shoes available.

September 07, 2003
...and she said: ...that her face, at first just ghostly / turned a whiter shade of pale...

September 05, 2003
...and she said: soon?

September 04, 2003
...and she said: No.

September 04, 2003
...and she said: ...

September 04, 2003
...and she said: ...fuck this, too.

September 04, 2003
...and she said: ...fuck it.

September 02, 2003
...and she said: Better News

September 02, 2003
...and she said: The dictionary definition of "fucked up".

September 02, 2003
...and she said: ...and I'm still here...

September 01, 2003
...and she said: It's Not Useful

September 01, 2003
...and she said: I almost feel productive... but I can still feel my toes.

September 01, 2003
...and she said: ...the count goes on...



------ 2001 -

March, and All Things Therein
April, Illness and Hopes
May, Sick to My Soul
June, Preparation and Reparation
July, Freedom and Lack Thereof
August, and The Loss Of Me
September, Low Blood Sugar and High Self Esteem
October, Struggling With Submission
November, Holidays and Kidney Stones
December, A Transition of Sorts


------ 2002 -

January, California Dreaming
February, Boys and Girls and Me
March, Jax On The Titanic
April, Things CAN Get Worse
May, Dyverwho?
June, In Which OHP Seems To Win
July, The Month Of The Tygrrr
August, Fragmentation And Fear
September, A Recovering Girl
October, Flaws Become Obvious
November, When Things Fall Apart
December, Discovering A Norse Tiger
(or When Holidays Attack)



------ 2003 -

January, Moving And Madness
February, Beaverton Blues
March, (Y'know, this one just doesn't stand out in any useful title-ish way, so I'm just going to blather here for a ridiculous amount of space because I can. Hey, that would make a great title!) Because I Can
April, Someone Is Playing Whack-A-Mole With My Brain
May, Already Too Much Heat
June, Rediscovering An Old Friend
July, Summer Storms
August, In Which I Am Pathetic
September, Preparing For Holiday Season
October, No Pie For Jax
November, And All Things Offline
December, The Big Snow


------ 2004 -

January, As We Turn Over A New Leaf
February, The Dance Of... What, Again?
March, Oppression In The Oddest Places
April, In Which We Are Very Forgetful
May, Last Straws And Long Meaningful Glances
June, California Ho!


------ Here There Be Dragons -

From here, I got lazy; the time in California blurred into one long, strange dream and I only awoke recently. I'm going to condense it into years, or segments, or something; months are no longer clearly defined.

California And The Heat



Wanna get those odd rambling emails that pass for communication with me at times? Wanna know when I do a major update? Wanna be a member of, as a friend so nicely put it, the Jax Fan Club or whatever the hell it is? Then join the bloody list, dammit!

Gimme a working email address:

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