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Previous - this entry written on June 06, 2003 at 6:07 pm - Next *wry grin* If there's one thing worth learning that I did NOT pick up from you, it's that loving, even when it's a hell of a lot of trouble and a grand disaster, is at least interesting while you're tangled in it. I've cleaned up your blood, your puke, I've found myself perfectly happy doing nothing more than walking beside you. In some of the oddest possible ways, those few years were the closest thing to a steady domestic relationship I've managed yet. I've already lived a fucked-up enough life that although there are still some things I'm sure you could come up with that would shock me or surprise me, I really doubt you could find anything that would make me hate you. Hrm. Slight correction: the one thing you could possibly do to make me hate you is to say something like that, and THEN drop out of sight. *shrugs* I've always disliked being ignored, it tends to leave me jumpy. ...fear? That one... that one you might manage. There have been times when you honestly terrified me. *shrugs again* Love? Hearing that from you... *shakes her head* ...reading that, rather, not having any way to see sincerity in text, not having any certainty that it's not just more bait to lead me further off a cliff I'm already climbing down as fast as I can... there's the fear. I'm not afraid of your actions. I'm not afraid of your scars. I'm not afraid of your hungers. I'm not afraid of you. I'm just afraid you'll lie to me again. That's what frightens me. That's what made me more and more wary. *finds herself shrugging again* If you ask, this entry will be deleted. You show me your scars, and I'll show you mine.
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