Soon.

There's a song that we used to sing way back when I still went to church-camp in the summer... it was one of the songs that got sung around the campfire before we all turned in, or whatever was passing for a campfire that day. The lyrics are pretty simple.

soon and very soon
we are going to see the king
soon and very soon
we are going to see the king
soon and very soon
we are going to see the king
hallelujah, hallelujah
we are going to see the king

Add to that the sound of Rufus Wainwright tearing all the half-healed fragments of my soul with another set of words and music.

your faith was strong, but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to a kitchen chair
she broke your throne, she cut your hair
and from your lips, she drew the hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah
maybe i have been here before
i know this room, ive walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew ya
ive seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

Angst-girl songs and the fading stain of ink on my body, wounds that won't heal, not ever... physically I'm getting better. I'm WAY over the weight I want to be right now but since part of that was due, they think, to the malfunctions that should clear out with this surgery I'll be able to lose a good chunk of it. My kitten will be arriving soon and I've just gotten to spend several days with my Caleb. My Tiger is here, I'm safe, ok...

...but...

Why?

Why the ache?

Heh... sometimes, doing something as prosaic as cooking or cleaning can actually drag me out of this kind of mood. Not working today... I...

...I'm alive. I will keep going.

It really hurts.