Where is he?
Previous - this entry written on October 21, 2003 at 7:03 am - Next


Bloody hell. You'd think by now that I'd know better than to read Spike/Xander slashfic at 7:00 in the morning. Err... ok, no, actually if you know me you'd know perfectly well that if I can't sleep and I'm in one hell of an odd mood that while I might KNOW better I won't DO better. *sheepish*

Day... morning? ...dreaming. Imagining my kitten face-down on the bed, ankles bound to a spreader, whimpering as I take him. Feeling him struggle, trying to kick and to squirm away, his wrists locked together and linked to his collar, his eyes near-frantic as he fights to look over his shoulder. I can hear him begging as his gaze locks on the toy, pleading for some form of mercy, seeing in my gaze how tempted I am to tear him in half. I can taste him, taste his sweat, the hint of tears, I can hear him gasp as he is filled even while he fights furiously to avoid it.

Just a bit hungry, yah.

Thing is, there's another side of me. Another part of me, one just as hungry and just as fierce and even more cruel. A part of me that would cause tortures far worse than a rough fucking. A part of me that I'd actually thought for a little while was fading, thought we could just kinda push it out now. A part of me that NEEDS that kind of cruelty... but not to give it. Not now. Possibly not ever.

Thought it wasn't needed.

Thought it was weakened.

Thought... a bit too much, apparently.

The only email address I have for Rhett still isn't working. I've been searching, trying, and... no Rhett.

Nothing.

I don't have his cell number anywhere that I've found yet.

I can't find him.

I...

...I...

...it's 7:00 in the morning. I'll post this - I don't think he'll see it but Rhett or Drailith or Drake or Runedrake or any other name you go by now...

Long and long and long... it's been quite a while. I've... gods.

I'd like to talk to you. I've moved around a bit.

I'm here, sometimes - 'net access is being bitchy and has been for quite a while. But I'm at home frequently.

*phone number removed*

...I don't know if you'd be willing to talk, or if you even still check this account, or anything. I haven't heard from you in quite a while. I haven't written in quite a while either, I know.

Please.

- kJ -

I don't think there's anything else that I am willing to write here.

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