Written a lot, stuff that won't be put up here, private stuff... but I'm writing this too. I feel more depressed now, but that's not all that startling an announcement. *blinks* I really do come off sounding like the love child of a Goth and an EmoKid. *twitch*

Becca's at home right now, seeing if she can come over. I really hope she does. I... in this mood, I have no actual desire to be around most men, and though the company of a woman is technically stronger, what I want for company right now is a friend.

Not a slaveboy all the time, not distant, not hurting, not crying, not bleeding, not hiding... just...

...just YOU.

I miss you, y'know. "there's nothing here, but what's here is mine"

I've got Strawberry Gashes stuck in my head; playing on Winamp too, since it seems to disturb people. Situational, I guess. I only really associate it with my desire to keep going.

So why am I writing this up here? I've been asking myself that guestion for several minutes. Usually I don't end up with half the post about one thing and the rest of it about a second thing. Oh, I jump around a bit, don't get me wrong - but - right now what I'm thinking is still so tangled that I'm having a rather tricky time of keeping myself steady. No more side-jaunts.

Fish, the question. I'm writing this here because I want you to see how much you mean to me, because I find you beautiful, because I want anyone reading this to realize why it is that I can't keep from grinning every time I walk past a pet store, and looking extremely (what, you thought I used 'em all earlier)smug every time someone even HINTS at BDSM.

Yes.

You.

*smiles slightly* I love you.