So.

Kadin, Talia, Rhett, Daris, Nreshan, Pam, Angel, Fern, Sin, and no doubt others that I'm forgetting - three vicodin and tonight's dose of amatryp - I miss you all. I miss talking with you, and I miss knowing that you're there on the other end of the screen. Kadin, you know the number here; I would really like to hear from you, and I fully intend to get in touch as soon as I'm able. *shakes her head* I haven't even looked at the buddy list as I type this, I've no idea what's been going on. All I know is that some of the people who matter most to me in life are on the other end of a lot of electric bits and phone cables and tonight, right now, I would give anything and everything to have you HERE.

It's been a good holiday so far, all things considered. It's been really great to be able to spend time with Caleb and honestly, the time away from the 'net is likely doing me some good. There's a few resolutions that will be kicking in soon-ish: I'm going to be keeping track of what I eat for a while, to see if I can get myself to cut down; I'm going to slowly take myself back off the amatryp, see if I can replace it or just go without it; I'm going to start going to counciling if I can, because I know there's some things that desperately need working; I'm going to see about health care in California, I'm going to get ahold of the neurologist somehow, I'm...

...I'm going to sit here for a minute and stare at the screen, aware that I would give anything and everything to be with everyone who matters to me, even knowing they'd likely fight or hate each other. Still.

I miss you.

I'm drugging myself to sleep tonight, yes. Between the pain level and how much I miss certain people and how much I worry about/for others and... yeah. And a lot of things. Tonight, I sleep because I refuse to allow my body to do anything else.

Tomorrow... tomorrow is a new day.

More than that.

I'm going to read journal updates now, and likely post again afterward.

Kadin...

...I miss you.