This is, I'm aware, a rather stupid thing to do when I'm in a fragile mood. It gets worse when (as is now the case) it's 9:30 in the morning, I haven't slept, am nearly out of amatryptaline and so can't drug myself into sleep, hurt, hunger, and feel like someone is playing hide-and-go-seek with my hormones and my sanity. It's really a stupid thing to do.

...call it a moment's reflection. Or more accurately, the downloading of some Giger images between letters.

At this point, although I miss him rather a lot, I'm... hm. I'm 'in a good place mentally' regarding Torian. He wanted to leave because (among other reasons) I wasn't what he needed / couldn't give him what he wanted / asked too much. I can deal with that, I guess... mostly because at this point NOT dealing with it seems pretty silly.

What I really CAN'T deal with on no sleep and not enough chocolate and everyone else blissfully snoring away as far as I know, is the thought that...

...geh. Even putting this into words seems weird.

Hrm.

Right this second I really really really need the awareness of the existance of my mates.

I think that's an accurate, reasonably un-confusable, and unlikely-to-bite-me-later statement.

I'm pretty sure one of the containers of choco-peanut-butter ice cream is ours and so I'm going to go get a bowlful. If nothing else, it'll settle my stomach and make this gawdaweful chocolate craving go away for a while.

Oh, and Scott - I didn't get your email until I got online earlier, and you're not around. *shrugpet* Talk about what?