Trust...

...gods, I'm sitting here with tears running down my cheeks, breathless, speechless, only able to type because honestly I could let my fingers pour out things in my sleep, emotion straight to text... and all of that emotion, all of it, wrapped around a faint memory and a long-ago logfile stumbled across a few minutes ago.

Beautiful. Stunning.

There's a type of fiction, usually fanfiction, that is referred to as 'Hurt/Comfort'. The main character (or, rarely, characters) are in some way hurt - emotional trauma, torture, rape, the stresses of life, whatever it is - and then there is comfort, someone there to hold them and help them, reassurance that they are not alone, that they are loved.

For that moment, all is full of love. Nothing else exists but the beauty and perfection there, that split second when fearful eyes look up at tearstained gaze, that wordless promise to always protect, always keep safe, that heartbeat, deep, strong, unending. For that moment, love IS.

At times I delight in hurting my boys, teasing and tempting, enough physical pain or enough emotional distress to make sure that yes, they are suffering.

There's a name for people who do this. They're called Sadists, generally.

Thing is, most sadists don't ever have the aftermath, holding and touching, making everything ok again. They don't have someone they love curled around them, they don't have that desperate, frantic connection.

*shrugs*

Yeah. I miss Caleb and Kadin a LOT right now.

I want snuggles.