Right.

It's been a long night already, my attention wandering from the people I talk to, the things I try to accomplish, drawn back helplessly to the Hunger that is still lurking just behind my eyes. My entire body feels on-edge, impatient, waiting for me to Get It Over With.

I'm trying to hang on, to hold out. If I can keep it locked away a bit longer, hopefully the sadism will internalize, something I can do myself, to myself. Right now I want to catch hold of one of my boys, drag them so far down into misery that they can barely breathe, can't stop crying, that everything aches. I want to see their pain, to see them suffer. I want to watch them hurt.

I... gods, I want it so much that even writing about it is making me grind my teeth, mentally pacing, prowling.

Soon. Soon I can do something about it without hurting them, hopefully... Either that or what restraint I still cling to will be gone. One way or another, I'll feed the Hunger soon.