I haven't really Been There for kitten or Caleb lately. Been distracted, been spacy, been EQ-ing or sleeping or just generally avoiding anything even remotely serious, trying to keep what's happening now from happening. I... there is a limit to how serious I ever want to get and I'm drawing painfully close to that line. THe insomnia, the fucked-up sleep schedule when I DO sleep, some really weird internal issues... it's all building up and it's doing so quickly. I don't know what to do about it yet but I WILL find something. This is just ridiculous.

Now, as for you... *shakes her head* ...disappointed. I am disappointed. One small thing that might have kept the nightmares at bay, left me smiling, not exhausted and unconscious but simply, contentedly, asleep. One thing. Just one thing. And what happens?

You fight and you fuss and you seem to be actively trying, when I've made it clear that I am dead tired and not in the mood for games, to either tease me or piss me off.

I just ~love~ feeling understood. *snickers slightly* So yeah. I went to bed. Dreamed. Wish I hadn't.

...and nothing else matters...

I'm still tired but I can't sleep. Between the nightmares and the waking-up-in-pain, the heat, the frustration, the irksome edge-of-arousal... whee, here's some definite TMI for anyone reading: I can't f'ing cum. Last few days, no orgasms for the Jax, and I've TRIED. My body just... it's like there's something in my head that got disconnected, some neural pathway that is rusted shut, and until I can knock it back open all the pleasure I feel comes from other things, other acts, arrives in the form of a delicious mental rush and physical arousal so intense it is almost painful but never climaxing, never the genitial sneeze that most people make so much of a fuss over. I don't entirely mind that; this isn't the first time, and if it holds true to form I just need to keep poking around in my head, scratch a few of the itches I haven't fed in a month, and things should balance back out. Problem is, I can't seem to SCRATCH.

The few times I try, the few times I think I've found something that might satisfy, might push me over the edge... *shakes her head*

Disappointment.

So that's part of why I'm pissed about it - it would have Made A Difference.

Ehh, I'll figure something out eventually, I always do. I'm just tired of waiting.

I am not a patient Jax.