No games, not tonight... not ever.
Previous - this entry written on October 28, 2005 at 11:24 pm - Next

Yes, disappointed. Displeased. Frustrated.

I know you have a hard time with it, boy. I know it's not something that comes easily, that you'd rather not talk at all, rather type, or say nothing at all. I've tried, over and over, to explain that this is part of why it matters so much to me. I KNOW it's something you wouldn't even bother with for anyone else. Hearing you beg... it makes it obvious that when you say you're Mine it's not just blowing smoke. Hearing you say things aloud, it reassures me that this isn't just a game to you. That you know it's real. That it matters.

I told you to take off the collar. I didn't say I was letting you go, didn't say I didn't want you, didn't say I was turning you loose. Simply that something that represents my pride and pleasure doesn't belong around your throat right now. That I don't think you deserve its protection if you can't even find a few words to convince me it matters to you. I had hoped... ehh. I'd hoped it meant enough that you would at least be spurred to speak.

Apparently not. Instead, you disappear.

Your cell phone is off. You're not online.

You know exactly how that's going to make me feel, boy. You know me well enough to understand that it will indeed bother me. You know that I hate to be pushed like this. To be out of touch. To have you gone.

And yet you do it anyway.

No, pet. No. If you think for even a moment that this is acceptable, think again. I'm not going to try to chase you down... right now, I can't convince myself you're worth it. I'm having a hard time believing you want to belong to me and frankly, if I want to waste my time hunting unwilling prey there are quite a few others out there. I want you to desire to be mine, boy. Right now I don't see even the slightest sign of that.

A few words, that's all I'd asked for. And instead I am given silence.

Silence, then, is what you'll get in return.

You know where to find me.

You can damn well beg to come back... or you can stay silent, and go back to being alone, truly alone, not even your innocence left to give you value, no obedience to recommend you to anyone, nothing to cling to when you start feeling empty. All play aside, you know what you are to me.

I will not let myself care that deeply for someone I don't own.

...yes, there's a less-than-subtle comment there to a couple other people as well. I am not feeling particularly submissive right now and I can assure you, trying to go dom around me will only get you either laughed at or ignored. *shrugs* I really don't have much else to say. I don't think it would particularly matter if I did, tonight. This is all I am willing to write, all that matters.

Iri sa linta Rahani, tequeo nre... bali iri sa tharn. Empty. Nonexistant... as far as you will ever know.

I told you I meant this. That it wasn't a game. That if you couldn't accept that, I would rather you didn't even make a pretense of belonging to me.

Put up or... well, you've already shut up. *shrugs again quietly* Time for me to do the same.

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