Third entry of the night... whee.
Previous - this entry written on November 17, 2005 at 3:50 am - Next
It made me want to laugh when he thought I was trying to replace you with him, y'know. No one could ever replace you. I wish they could, gods I wish they could, but it's not happening.
Yes, I sent you off like that to hurt you. Misery loves company. Besides, you didn't even realize anything was wrong until after I'd made the first few cuts; you need your sleep.
Actually I am avoiding you. I know you wondered. I can't help it. Right now the last thing I need is to have to deal with you. You make my head hurt.
Dammit, is it possible to interact with you without fucking something up? But then, I should know better than to hope for that kind of satisfaction from you by now, I really don't know why I keep trying and I'm sorry you end up suffering for my stupidity.
You deserve better than what I give you and we both know it, but I don't have anything else in me to give. I'm dead tired and I have been for years.
It would be easier on both of us if we could actually, completely, utterly forget each other ever existed.
Damn you. Damn you for being the reason I fractured. Damn you for not letting me be the one to drive the knife into your heart. Damn you for making me hate myself before I even knew who I was.
...just a few words. No, none of those are to the same person. No, I'm not explaining. No, I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't care if you're worried about me. Fuck off. I'm always ok eventually, aren't I? It's just Jax being overdramatic or PMSing or some such shit. I'll be fine in the morning. I'm ok. Leave me alone.
Previous - Next
Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven -
- Do Not Feed The Moose -