No Shelter Here
Previous - this entry written on January 18, 2006 at 11:55 pm - Next
So, doctor appointment is tomorrow, the 19th. Thought it was today. Geh.
Offline. Lots of baths and showers, lots of sitting staring at the walls, lots of trying - and failing - to sleep, lots of this bizarre and far-too-addictive MahJong Connect game over at Newgrounds. Art? Muddled. Nothing useful produced. Writing? Well, there's the bit of Songbird up at briar-h, but... nothing else solid. Nothing worth posting. Miserable.
Frustrated, too; I've been wanting to play dota since before Christmas. Still haven't gotten to. No one around when I'm conscious and able to focus enough to play. Puppy's busy and dealing with his own round of depression. Nreshan's working his new job, almost never online, not very talkative - not that that's new. Kadin and I keep just missing one another. I've gotten to talk (and play) a little bit with Torian, but not nearly as much as I'd like. I just... I feel like I'm falling out of touch with life. Disconnected.
Twenty-seven now officially. Whee. I... I want to feel that fire again, heating me, arousing me, the intense rush of pleasure I can find sometimes in the company of my pets. I want to feel the burn of it, searing away uncertainty, leaving me breathless and trembling and satiated. I'm hungry, and cold, and I know exactly what I need to fill myself, to ease the ache.
I just seem unable, lately, to get enough of it.
...maybe I need to go Hunting again.
Maybe it's time.
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