Awake again due to itching and pain, sleepy enough not to want to try to have a conversation.
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I now have a bottle of what is basically peach-flavored laudanum. It is homemade, and I don't know how well it works yet, but there should be enough of the substance I brewed it from to ensure that a teaspoonful taken along with advil or tylenol will make the standard OTC (Over The Counter, the ones you can buy whenever you want, no doctor's order needed) painkillers work much better and much faster within my system. Plus it's peach-flavored. *wry grin* ...yes, I am once again enabling my own addiction... but... here, take a look at what this fellow, who is a "practitioner licensed by my state to treat, among other things, addiction and addiction-related disorders". It's good that I'm not the only one who sees today's drug laws as less-than-useful.

Yes, I'm addicted - any time I'm on vicodin or any other opiate for a week I get addicted, having stayed on them for months at one point. I just fall back into the addiction every time I'm on them again, and instead of being rational, when I next ask for painkillers I get one of two reactions:

a) You are asking me over the phone for a refill and I have no proof that the problem you had last week is gone, even though it's something that frequently can last for months, no pills for you!

b) You are still hurting and have good reason for wanting more medication but we gave you some last week and the law will shut us down if we give you more, no pills for you!

Oh, and occasionally there's my least favorite, c) I'm not even going to look at you or your records, you're just a junkie lying to get drugs and you can't possibly be actually sick, no pills for you!

It's really frustrating. What I would LIKE is if instead of giving me pain pills to cover only part of the time I'm hurting, would be if they gave me pain pills until I was recovered... and then a smaller dose to taper me off of the addiction. Is there any doctor who would do something that logical? 'course not. The only ones who WOULD give me enough medication to set up tapering m'self are apathetic pill pushers and won't actually help with my health PROBLEMS, will only treat the symptoms by throwing medication at them. *sigh* I wish I knew what to say or to ask that would clue the doctors into the fact that I know my damn body a HELL of a lot better than they do and they should listen to what I want.

Although I say this while on vicodin because I wheedled the Brand New Primary Care Physician into giving me what would be enough for a month for anyone else, so I was able to keep myself medicated through the worst parts of the pneumonia and have, hopefully, enough to taper myself off so I don't get all twitchy and depressed. And I have another appointment with him in a week-ish to discuss treatment. And he's put me back on anti-seizure meds and on amatryptaline. So there is hope.

I've had my hopes dashed so many times, medically, that it's actually DIFFICULT to keep that hope alive. I'm trying though.

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