I seriously hope this is PMS, 'cos PMS in theory only hits once a month. o.O
Previous - this entry written on March 28, 2006 at 11:54 pm - Next

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is

...funny the places your mind goes at midnight when music's playing and the universe for just a moment stands still.

Every time, it's the same.

Every time, something I wrote what feels like a hundred years ago... I find myself staring at the words flickering against the backdrop of a computer screen, or on paper, or just scrawled in impossible neon on the insides of my eyelids.

"Yesterday she asked for forever
Today she wants something new"

I want forevers. I want to say I'll always be there. I want to demand the same of you, want to hear you say you won't leave, want to hear myself say the same, want...

...and 24 hours later, I'm gone again...

...so far, there has only been one person who has convinced me to stay...

...and only one who knows that I will leave and accepts it...

...and a pawful of others where there is always-shifting-of-lines, where I'm there, they're here, then nothing for days, confusing and frustrating and...

...and yeah.

3 AM came early tonight, I guess.

Look into my eyes you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

Look into my heart you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

Oh yeah

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time all the way

Listen to your heart babe

Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Yeah I would fight for you, I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Yeah I'd die for you

You know it's true
Everything I do, oh, I do it for you

Everything I do darlin'
I will see it through, I will see it through
Oh yeah, yeah

Listen to your heart
You can't tell me one time darlin'
All the way
I'll be there

Oh yeah
One time
I would go all the way, all the way

So tell me. Am I worth it? Is this, the confusion, the passion, the days spent staring out a window and dreaming, the nights spent curled alone in a bed, the precious hours when it's us, bodies warm against each other, the moments when everything just fits, the conversations, the silences, the need, the desire, the promises and disappointments and fantasies and the times like this, when you can feel me wavering, feel the doubt in my mind, feel me slipping away...

...is it worth it?

'cause it doesn't matter if you've said it a hundred times. These nights, when I'm doubting myself, wondering if what I see right now is all there really is, these are when I need to hear it again. Need, more than anything else, to know you think it all matters.

Because it matters to me.

You matter to me.

...everything I do...

...yeah. I'm gonna go now. Bed. Sleep, if I'm lucky. Even if I can't believe in it right now... please. Believe that we'll both be there tomorrow. Be HERE tomorrow. That it'll still be real. That it matters. All of it. Everything.

Meh. Sleep.

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