I want to come home from work, put my feet up, have my wife fetch my pipe and my dog fetch my slippers. I want my daughter to bring in her homework and sit on the floor by the coffee table, pondering math problems while I read the newspaper and my wife works on her latest bit of knitting and Rosie curls up on her little rug gnawing quietly on a chewtoy. Is that so much to ask?

Nah, mister, seems pretty reasonable to me, guess every guy dreams of a home like that at some point.

Yeah, it's the American Dream I guess. I didn't complain when my wife said she'd rather have a daughter than a son, did I? And wasn't I happy for her when the baby was indeed a little girl? But instead of being happy about it, she complains all the time now, saying she wishes we'd gotten a boy, that she doesn't like her daughter, that I would treat a boy differently, that a boy wouldn't fight with her as much... oh, it just goes on and on.

And the dog, that was her idea too. She said I'd be happier if I had a pet. So I get one, and now what? She complains. About the mess, about having to feed it, about how much attention I give it, everything, you name it. It's not the poor thing's fault, but because my wife scolds her so much the dog's afraid to even come in the room if I'm not there. I tell ya, married life.

Sounds frustrating, yeah. Wife's a bit of a shrew, then?

Some days, some days. She wasn't like this when I married her, that's for sure. Sweet and innocent and wouldn't dare talk back. Heck, once we were married she didn't even leave the bedroom for a week. *wink* But now that she's had some time to settle in I guess she feels she's got the right to complain. I kept tellling her that if she wouldn't stop nagging I was gonna be upset, but did she listen?

Ohh... in here for hitting her, are ya?

Heck, no. I'm in on a charge of 'drunk and disorderly', but it's nonsense, the fella who brought me in as much as said so. I'll be back out in a few hours. Besides, she wouldn't bring up any such charge against me.

Sorry, got the impression you-

Hit her? Oh sure, if she's acting up I'll paddle her behind or give her a cuff or two to keep her in line, but isn't that a husband's right? I take care of her, support her, if she can't keep a civil tongue in her head while talking to me maybe she doesn't need one at all, that's what I decided. She's much quieter now that it's pierced, her lip too - she gives me amy backtalk, I just whip out a little padlock and lock the rings together. She's learned.

...kinky, mister, kinky. I'm amazed she puts up with it.

Well, she did throw a bit of a fit when I had it done to my daughter, too... but she came around when I gave her one of the keys to the girl's padlock, same as she's got the key to her bedroom door now, and the one for her ankle cuff.

Waitasec, ankle cuff? On who, your wife?

Wife and daughter both, actually. You wouldn't believe how hard it is some nights to make sure they get their rest, they'd stay up all hours, I swear. Chattering or playing games or just fussing in the powder room. So if I think they're likely to get back up after I've gone to bed, I just lock 'em to the bed. Do the same if they need to clean and one or the other's being stubborn, lock 'em on a nice long chain in the room and don't let 'em out until it's clean. Works wonders.

Mister, you're sick. You do this to your DAUGHTER?

Welll, of course. She's mine, isn't she? The girl needs to learn respect and obedience, I'll not have her husband having as much trouble with her as I've had with her and my wife. She's going to grow up to be a fine, quiet, well-behaved young lady. Got a suitor already, she does; one of my friend's sons is of an age to be courting and he stops by occasionally to visit her. Quite a charming fellow. Good and firm with her too, doesn't let her get up to any nonsense. She's come back with a cherry-red bottom more often than not from their dates, at least at first.

You ok there? You look a bit shellshocked. He's going to be her husband, isn't he?

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...no, I have no clue. Weird mood, weird story fragment. In case you hadn't guessed.

Got antibiotics and a nasal spray now, so hopefully the sinus infection will be clearing up quickly.