Previous - this entry written on April 25, 2006 at 7:50 am - Next

...and that is what I needed. That is what turns both my quite-reasonable frustration and my not-at-all-reasonably bitching about it and impatience regarding it off. That is when it stops being something that, no matter how foolish it is to let it do that, eats at me.

You do suffer. You deal on a daily basis with as much shit and depression and confusion and stupidity as I do, often more. Perhaps you deserve someone in your life who makes no demands, who is constantly and visibly caring and supportive, someone far more patient than I am, certainly someone who is not greedy and does not get herself so tangled in your thoughts that even when you are certain you are in the right, part of you still wants to say the opposite, just to feel her happiness.

I'm not that someone, little one. I will never be the girl who defers to you, the one cooking every dinner and bringing you your slippers, the one who says 'yes, dear' and who buries her face in the pillow so you won't see her tears.

I'm the one that waits until you're already down and then pushes you further. I'm the one who is never satisfied, who will take piece after piece of your life and fill up the empty spaces with myself. I'm the one that will strip you bare, emotionally... find every secret, hear every story, feel everything you feel and ~enjoy~ it.

I'm the one that wants you more completely than anyone else on the planet. I'm the one who will treat you like shit, force you to apologise and atone for mistakes you made, even accidental ones, even things you couldn't possibly change... not because I think you should have done something different, once I find out the circumstances.

No, I scold and punish and taunt and demand and find a way to take just a bit more every time for a very simple reason.

We both need it, and we both take pleasure in it.

My orders still stand, pet. They're not new, I've given them before. I will not change them, I will not take them back. I will wait for you to obey, no matter how long it takes.

Oh, and the called-to-work? I know you're in a rush and so won't usually think of this, but putting 'work' in your comment on Vent would have saved a lot of time and trouble. *slight smile*

One order down, three to go. I'll be waiting. I miss you.

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