One More Black Mark
Previous - this entry written on May 11, 2006 at 2:02 pm - Next
The funy thing is, I want to believe. I want to be able to hear what he says and not doubt it. I want to trust that he wouldn't lie to me, wouldn't tell me fiction and claim it as fact. I really do.
The thing is, 90% of the time, when he tells me something honestly interesting, something that makes me admire him, something that gives him a lot more leeway regarding how I will treat him...
...hours, or days, or weeks, or in this case months later, I come across his exact speech, word-for-word, from a source that had obviously spoken, written, or otherwise produced it before he mentioned it to me. I rarely bring these finds up in conversation. I know he's great at fast-talking, he's said himself that he can argue or bullshit his way out of just about anything. I don't talk about them... I just carve another mental notch and am once again reminded that while in some ways yes, he can be reasonably trustworthy, overall? He still deserves to be treated even worse than I treat him.
Any time I start feeling guilt, all I have to do is think back to those notches, count them, remember how many times he's bullshitted or lied or exaggerated or otherwise given me a story that is far enough from accurate to make pinochio able to poke the freaking MOON with his nose. He deserves this. All of it. Every second of suffering, every moment of misery, he deserves.
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