An Ending, Perhaps
Previous - this entry written on May 16, 2006 at 3:52 pm - Next
Yeah, maybe it's overdramatic. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe.....
Yes. This started out as kink, pure and simple. Then, somewhere along the line, friendship of a sort started tangling it. You've said you love me, so many times I've lost count. You've said you need me. You've said you trust me.
You've said you're mine.
And now... now apparently you think that affection, even love, is reason enough to try to reverse our roles. You want to take care of me... and you think you need to give ME orders to manage it. You want to protect me... and you seem to think driving me away is the best way to accomplish it.
I have always been honest with you. You knew from the beginning what role I would allow you in my life. I told you, warned you, that I had no desire to see you in any other way. Now...
...now it feels as if I should never have been gentle. Never cared. Never comforted. Never given you anything but pain. Perhaps then you wouldn't have been this foolish.
Yes, foolish. Stupid. Dense. All those words you love and hate to hear... or have you forgotten how often you've begged and pleaded for them, grateful to hear even such simple insults, humble, crawling, whimpering, pathetic... and oddly enough, happy. You can have girlfriends, lovers, one-night-stands, hell, you could fuck your way through the nearest nuns' convention and the local zoo and I'd not care. That wasn't what our... relationship... was about.
If you attempt to speak with me again, you will do so respectfully, submissively. If you can't even manage that much obedience... well, it was nice knowing you, more or less.
I have no patience left, none.
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He called. Said he was leaving the house for a few hours, prior committment. Said he'd kept talking for a half-hour after I hung up, not realizing I wasn't on the line any more. Said, or seemed to say, that how I'd "taken it" wasn't what he meant.
The phrase "You are mine as much as I am yours" seems pretty clear and straightforward.It's not that complex. Pity he didn't even consider explaining or leading up to ut BEFORE he said it.
He'll be reading this entry when he returns, presumably. Perhaps by then he'll have managed to grasp one very simple fact:
This is not something I will just forgive and forget. Whatever his... explanation... for it, I will accept only two outcomes. Either he does what he's told or this entry will be the last time he is mentioned, today will be the last time I speak to him. Yes, it IS that serious to me.
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