Just a little bit...
Previous - this entry written on September 12, 2006 at 6:03 pm - Next

How quickly you forget.

Something you can just... turn off? Erase? I think if you could truly remove this side of you, you would have done so a long time ago. Oh, I've no doubt you can manage to ignore it, to pretend it's not there, for a considerable length of time. You've done it before. But...

...but I know you.

I know that you feel your body tensing, your hands almost tingling, wanting to clench... wanting to spread wide, to claw at sheets or clutch ropes or press delicately against flesh. I know that you can see yourself huddled in a corner, all that pride and all that strength for a moment lost, staring at the bodies moving in rhythm nearby, knowing they have forgotten you're even there... and somehow savoring that, caught up in the thought that for this moment you are nothing. I know that you love to hear a voice telling you exactly what you most want, most fear, taunting you with your own desires and needs. I know that your mouth waters when you think of your head trapped between strong legs, or forced by rough hands down against flesh, used as little more than a convenient toy. I know you delight in that soft, little-girl voice issuing from your own lips... in the way your legs spread, cross, shift, your hips moving instinctively... in the wicked shame as you see yourself, a picture preserved in countless places, one more proof that this side of you DOES exist.

I know you, boy, I know that much as you want to keep up the perfect pretense, much as you want to be the one on top, to always win, always triumph, that some part of you NEEDS to be brought low. It's a balance, and without it do you really think that you can be The Great for long without simply shattering from the stress?

I know that you love the feel of some girl beneath you, moaning and pleading for you to touch her, grateful for the feel of you inside her... believe me, I know you love it. But I also know you love the thought that somewhere, there's a woman you can't have, someone untouchable, unreachable, someone who will only notice you exist at all when you're being useful, being pleasing, being a good little bitch.

I know that you WANT to have that edge pushed at times...

...but I think you have forgotten that those times will not always be when YOU want, that if you are going to put yourself in the hands of such a woman that there will be times when the lines between one side and another will slip... when she will want, need, satisfaction, and oh my pet, to deny it is to lose everything you have, have you forgotten that too?

No, no threats to your pride, no promises to bring your life tumbling down around your ears... this is a reminder of something else.

I too want this, need this. I've never said otherwise. I LIVE for this feeling, for the times when I so desperately crave something and can simply TAKE it.

So. You worry that a simple conversation with me would somehow ruin your facade. Apparently, you worry about it enough to try to get me to back down. *slight smile* No. This side of you belongs to me. You'll do as you are told. I don't need to threaten. I don't need to tell you I could walk away, I don't need to list off the things I could do while staying, I don't need to do any of that, do I? Not when I know you're already wondering what that conversation would be about, when you're wincing reading this, feeling the fog licking at the edges of your mind, when I think now you remember why it is you're Mine.

Watch your tongue in the future.

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