Pack Mentality
Previous - this entry written on December 08, 2006 at 6:30 am - Next

So there's a discussion on one of the BDSM sites that I frequent regarding polyamoury - when is there NOT - and the question was asked, 'Who has had success with poly relationships?'

The response I posted:

Hi... I think I fall in with the 'can I call it a success if we're not done yet?' crowd here - my husband and I have been married for nearly two years now, and the core membership of our household, while stretched currently across three countries, hasn't changed much in the last five. I am the Mistress of the household, unquestioned, and am settling into the role of momma bear to a housefull of puppies, kittens, and the ocasional pet who prefers to keep their status more fully human. ^.^ We are all to some degree furre fans, each with their own fursona, and that aspect has us feeling more like a pack than a traditional relationship. The boys are all free to work out their hormones when they need to as long as I know who they'll be with and as long as they use protection; the girls I'm a bit more protective about as far as casual flings outside our pack goes because they DO run the risk of becoming pregnant if something goes wrong rather than just getting sick, but the same basic stuff still applies:

If you know they can't get along with ALL pack members, don't bring 'em home at all. If you aren't sure, bring 'em home and we'll see what they smell like; good folks are welcome to wander into our den whenever they like, whether any of us are actively playing with them or not, we LIKE having friends around. If you wouldn't bring 'em home, don't bring 'em to bed without discussing it first with EVERYONE, not just me. If you have a problem with someone, talk to them first, myself or one of the more responsible pack members second, and only after you've talked to both the person you're having trouble with and someone else who has a bit more of an objective view and can help you both work it out, can you take dirty laundry out of the house or kick up a fuss... the exception to this is ALWAYS if someone seems likely to harm themselves or someone else, holler! Safety and comfort come before kink, love and trust come before sex, pack loyalty comes before the opinion of anyone else - if they dun' like what you're doing, that's their problem, WE love you, and WE know you act in your best interest and in ours, and that you matter.

Anything else? *grin* A good tussle or the occasional catfight is actually good stress relief, and talking, talking, TALKING about things, communicating constantly, is key. Um... I think that's about all. >.> No doubt I'm leaving something out, I'll find out what when it comes back an' bites me. *smile*

...there's a lot more I could say, or try to explain, or classify, but most of it is really stuff that either those involved in this insane relationship already know about, or those NOT involved don't need to know about. Who do I consider pack?

Caleb. Kadin. Torian. Radu. Zian. Talia. Ryan. Elru. Matt. Becca. Any one of those could walk in the door, give me a hug, say "Hi Jax, I'm gonna go screw [insert other packmate here] senseless for an hour in your bed, ok?" and it really WOULD be ok with me unless there was some very specific reason why not, such as the bed already being occupied, or something.

...I'm still furious with him, still find it impossible to trust him in most respects, but Nreshan still has a place here if he ever needs it, honestly. I may not be willing to take him back as a slave even if he begged for a year straight, but I DO love him as much as I ever did and DO consider him someone who has the right to show up at my door and ask for a bed for the night and a meal in the morning, no questions asked.

As far as that safe-place-to-come thing goes, ditto Scott, ditto Rhett, ditto Angel, ditto Grr, ditto Rie, ditto Eamon and Boots - if any of them need me, I'm there, but if they wanted to hop into bed with one of my pets we'd have a LOT of discussion and likely I would be VERY growly about it, for drastically different reasons in every case. Some of them, it would be bad for them... some, it wouldn't be all that good for my pets... some, it would flat-out bother ME... and some it would just really really really be confusing all around. *wry grin*

There are a few others that it would be nice to include here but who for various reasons either can't or won't be that involved, or just haven't met everyone yet, or what-have-you. Seit, Soox, Molly and Tyson, Juliet, Juliet's Scott, Kenji, Nereus, 'Stina, Drew, Alan, Thomas, Rob, Mikey, Deborah, Bug, Candice... lots of people who wander in and out and have in some way staked a claim on my life-at-the-moment, but who I can't really say are pack right now.

I trust those I consider pack to take care of others in this wacko group - if any of them have troubles, I really hope they feel comfortable enough to go to at least one or two of the others and talk about it, no matter what it is, and know that they'll have someone who cares and will help them if they can. I would move heaven and earth for my loves, I can't imagine life without them, and I consider myself the most fortunate woman in the universe to have found this many people who affect me this deeply, who are bound to me in this many ways, who make my every waking moment something to be treasured.

Yeah. Hi. My name is Jax, an' I'm a little bit odd. I run with wolves... and panthers, and hellhounds, and housecats, and kittens, and puppies, and dauchunds, and bears, and dragons, and serpents, and djinn, and ferrets, and even the occasional otter or parakeet. *smile* I like it that way.

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