...nothing else to say, sorry.
Previous - this entry written on December 24, 2006 at 11:20 am - Next

...Kadin? Please don't call me again. If... *sigh* ...if it's important, if there's no one else, you know I will listen, but... please... anything else? Don't. Just don't.

I still feel you
beneath my skin
I am tempted
to throw my senses in
'cause it's easier to drown
than to face the way I feel
this sorrow stings
then the truth comes back around
in the end you're not for me
not for me

Let it die. If you care at all, give me this. Stop hurting me.

*curls up*

I just got back from a day spent with my parents. Haven't had much sleep. The night before that, I had a seizure. Right now, I'm dehydrated, have a massive headache, and I'm crying. It's Christmas eve, and I'm crying.

I didn't get to talk to Torian, apparently when she tried calling was when I had passed out again while I was at the coast. Caleb couldn't get me to wake up. *twitch*

'cause it's easier to drown
than to face the way I feel

Why do I even try? When I know it's just going to end in pain, in tears, in loneliness, in feeling this horrible agony that those I care about are out of reach, why do I even try at all?

Nreshan's doing well. Nick... is overseas. I heard from Rhett again, he's writing. I still get so lost in his stories.

Angel's never going to leave the coast. She's happy there.

Gods only know if Puppy will ever really leave his fucked-up family - they hurt him as often, if not more, than they help him, hurt him BAD, they fuck with his life and half the time they don't even realize it, but he clings to them like they're all he has. Maybe he's the smart one. Maybe he expects me to do the same thing every other woman in his life has done, and that's why he can't bring himself to actually risk something.

Maybe he's right, for all I know the next seizure will be the one that hits at the top of a flight of stairs, or near a sharp-edged desk, and wham, that's all there is of me.

Maybe that'd be best, then everyone else could try to find someone nearer them, someone who can be what I'm not, someone they can trust and love and stay with.

Maybe I'm just depressed.

Maybe I'm just sober enough to be rational.

Maybe none of this matters.

Merry fucking christmas.

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