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Fascinating thing, the subconscious. The way the mind works. You can spend forever going over entries in some unsigned journal, falling into them, feeling as if perhaps, perhaps, you know the writing there. There's always ones that feel as if they might, maybe, apply.

There's ones that are wish-fodder, things you desperately pray were written with you in mind.

It's strange, this feeling.

Well. It's a new year, children, and this one isn't arriving with the kind of bang that Jaxes are used to, nor does there seem to be the possibility of the old one going out with a whimper either. Strange, strange world.

And whee, here's me, a long number of hours later, lots of conversations later, feeling like I just want to hit my head on the wall over and over.

Scott and Puppy both, I swear, it's like the worse something is for them the more they'll cling to it, stay in a rut that just drags them further down... and they KNOW it's bad, they KNOW something needs to be different, but will they actually do anything about it? No. Will they let anyone else push them up out of the rut? No. So fucking frustrating.

shivamd: *poke*
thatstrangegyrl: Sorry, just got trampled by someone's drama llamas.
shivamd: O.o
shivamd: My heart hurts.
thatstrangegyrl: *huggles tightly* So does mine, for different reasons I suspect.
thatstrangegyrl: Swear to god, soooo many people in this world I just want to hit upside the head until they stop being so freaking STUPID and just go DO what they already know they want and need to do, instead of whining about it.
thatstrangegyrl: If you KNOW you love someone, and you KNOW you want them, why the FUCK wouldn't you do something about it?
shivamd: Fear?
thatstrangegyrl: If you KNOW somewhere is bad to be, if you KNOW you're being taken advantage of, and you KNOW that getting out of the area physically is the only way to make things better, why would you just stay there and cry about how miserable you are?
thatstrangegyrl: Grr.
thatstrangegyrl: Fucking fear.
thatstrangegyrl: Fucking stupid vicious heartless worthless annoying fear.
thatstrangegyrl: I swear, if there IS a god and I meet him, he an' I are gonna have WORDS about fear.
thatstrangegyrl: And period cramps.

*mutters* This is going to kill me.

Seriously, if something is BAD, you DO something about it, right? If something makes you unhappy, you change it. If someone is hurting you, you get away from them or make them stop. If something isn't right, you make it right. I know I don't always act on this sort of advice either but I'd like to think that I at least TRY, when something's gotten really fucked up, to do something about it rather than just bury my head in the sand. Even if the only thing I can do is ask someone else to help, I'll do THAT... and I'll try to TAKE the help I've asked for, dammit.

Frustrating. So frustrating.

Makes me want to scream.

I'm going to go boil water or something.

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