..no, we just sell shoes!
Previous - this entry written on January 05, 2007 at 12:34 pm - Next
*slight smile* Puppy, you may be lonely, but you're not alone. I am giving you some time without that fog clouding your thoughts, time when you can look at everything else, remember things other than me, and decide how valuable each aspect of your life is in relation to the other ones without me interjecting my own opinions on the subject.
The reasoning for my closing down that particular subject? Let's break it down...
I want you to come here to Oregon as soon as is possible.
Now, either I am the one making the decisions because a stupid little puppy really shouldn't be responsible for such things... or you are the one making the decisions because you know what is most feasible in your life at present. It's one or the other though, it can't be both. You love having me give you orders, you thrill to feel me controlling your actions, you take incredible delight in having your choices made for you by me. But... when it comes to an order you don't feel like obeying, this order particularly, then what? I am unwilling to pretend to have control over you that I do not have; either you ARE going to take this step at my command or you are NOT.
Wait! We're not talking about whether or not you will come out here. Pay attention. We're talking about whether or not you will OBEY AN ORDER to come out here. D'you see the difference? I know you will come out here eventually, I don't doubt that. What I do doubt is your sincerity in telling me how completely you belong to me or how total my control is, if I can give you the order above and... you don't obey.
Let's say that you accept the fact that YOU are making this decision. That you CHOOSE to stay there. Ok, no bones about it, that's done with, now the responsibility for making the correct choice is yours, right? After all, if you accept the fact that you are making a choice, then by default you accept the fact that there is a choice to be made. You could in theory choose the other option, A or B, it is up to YOU to decide which one is best for you.
Here's my case: you're looking for a new job already. Why not look out here instead of out there? You'd be away from a truly bad situation - your family is a parasite on you, has been for years, and it keeps getting worse every day. You'd have new faces, friends, a roof over your head, a safe place for your dogs, a chance at a successful, happy life... you would be able to do what your mother claims she wants you to do, make a life for yourself. And you would have the love and emotional support that you have repeatedly failed to find there. You would have snuggles. You would have pettings. You would have scritches and nuzzles and reassurance that you are treasured and prized. AND you would be able to look for a job that suited you - there are plenty of places where you could teach martial arts or self defense, lots of tech jobs, firefighting is always an area of employment and HERE you won't have to hide it from your mother... or you could do anything else you wanted. Yeah, you might have to take a not-so-fun job first for a few months while you looked for your dream job, but isn't that easier than spending a few years waiting, then doing this anyway?
I think that you need to be in a less stressful situation too, Puppy. You run yourself ragged for so many people; can you imagine how much sleep you would get, how peacefully you would rest, if you could spend an entire week without having to drive your brother anywhere, without having your father drop in unexpectedly, without worrying about bumping into Jesse or David in public, without feeling like the odd man out at your mother's house, without needing to take care of that many people at once? Hell, YOU NEED A VACATION, Puppy. When is the last time you took one from that shithole you call a life? The stress is what's killing you.
Yes, here you would end up worrying about me and likely helping take care of me when I go twitchy and stuff... but Puppy, you're already doing that more often than not, and here in person it would be LESS hard on you because you would be able to see at a glance what's going on, never wondering, never waiting, never afraid that something bad has happened and you won't know or that I'll just forget to log on or that for one reason or another we won't be able to connect online and talk... you'll be able to just look up at me and say "Hi, my name is Radu!" and I will be happy.
I could - and possibly will - elaborate on why moving out to Portland is a good idea just based on your sexual preferences, but right now I want to lay down on my nice soft heated bed, curl up under some blankets, my head on a pillow that still smells of Soox, and drift into dreaming for a while, so that's what I'm going to do.
You know the number here. You're welcome to call, Puppy.
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