So.

I won't talk with Puppy again about moving out here unless and until he brings it up, and even then... yeah. Basically, that topic is closed, period, unless he makes it plain that he is ready to actually do something about it. I'm not getting drawn into that particular dead end again, dammit.

Kadin... is dead. Thinking of this any other way isn't going to work, with what I felt. I'll just assume he is and move on, k? Because I can't find out, I can't be left wondering, if I just believe the worst and GO from there... then it's not like there would be anything else I could DO, right? Dead is dead. So.

I will find ways to spend more time with Torian, Zian, Soox, Becca, and Ryan. People are more important than things, yes?

I will get a doctor's appointment by February.

I will remember not to act passive-agressive even when I'm too out-of-it to act any other way - if I can't think of anything else to do, I'll just go elsewhere without making a fuss about it, and wait until I'm fully functional again. No more playing while altered, unsober, seizure-twitchy, etc.

I will go on, as I always have, as I always will.

"Each time I lose one of you, a bit of me dies as well."

I can count the number of pieces left on one hand now. Some people would say I'm healing, becoming whole.

It's a nice thought, isn't it?