EVIL computer, this is the fourth time I've tried to upload this.
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Yes, this is the second entry within a few hours. o.O As the title says, this entry is full of things I'll never say aloud (hopefully). Some of them are irrational feelings, some are viable points of discussion, some are absolutely true but pointing them out would be painfully rude and wouldn't help, some of them are just things I've been wishing I could get up the courage to say aloud but haven't quite managed yet. I'll be damned if I tell anyone which are which.
You're going to keep hurting people, and keep being hurt by people and by that part of you that you try to lock away, as long as you're out there. You know this. You're not meant to be there right now, and as long as you are there, you and those you care about will suffer.
I'm going to start screaming if you bring that particular boytoy around any more often, or even if I see him here in the next two or three days. Seriously, getting sick of him being here. He makes me feel extremely uncomfortable in my own home, which is Not Cool. He makes Kate and Torian uncomfortable too, but they're too polite to say anything about it soon. Me, I'm pissy, pregnant-ish, and perfectly willing to kick his obsessive-compulsive butt out the door.
I may get twitchy whenever you touch me... hell, there's no 'may' there right now, I simply DO get twitchy. That doesn't make your touch any less comforting. *sigh* Just more confusing. No, it's not your fault. Yes, it's likely to continue until I get my almost-valium refilled.
God-fucking-DAMMIT if you hate your life that much and are that upset by work and your not-actually-a-boyfriend who you basically STALK whether you two are dating or not, then CHANGE JOBS and STOP STALKING HIM. Seriously. Tired of hearing the whining, even indirectly. Apply for a different, better job. Apply for a lot of them. One's bound to say yes. And by all that's holy, stop obsessing over him, go get laid somewhere else a few times, anything to stop your stalker-habits for a while.
Grrrrrr... stop fucking up my computer settings, dammit! I get extremely annoyed when I have to completely rearrange any program I open 'cos you were using it and changed all the settings. I have no objection to you using the computer, I haven't even complained about the gazillion programs you've downloaded, just PLEASE stop screwing up the few programs I use. Leave my photoshop settings alone and dun' monkey with winamp, notepad, or firefox. This is driving me nuts.
If that obsessive freak takes away one more bottle, box, package, container, vial, can, or other form of storage to be 'recycled' without asking first if it's ok if he does so, I'm going to kill him. No, I mean that quite literally. I don't mind Torian's cleaning, she just takes trash away and takes dishes off to be washed. That's ok. That's GOOD. However, when 90% of the things I actually USE are either moved or thrown away every time I'm not actively out in the living room watching his every move, I'm gonna get annoyed with him. VERY annoyed. I am starting to feel like I can't leave anything in the living room, dining room, bathroom, or kitchen, if I ever want to see it again. NOT cool. MY house, k? If you feel that much of an urge to rearrange shit, go down and play in the garage, I could care less about where stuff is there, it gets rearranged often enough as it is.
Stupid hamsters, BREED ALREADY! >.> ...ok, that one sounds a bit weird. Brief explanation: I'm still taking care of Puppy's snake. It hasn't eaten in two weeks and both of the litters that should have been born haven't/have been eaten by the parents. Gonna have to go buy snakefood today, maybe a nice fat gerbil or something equally treatlike.
I hate getting songs stuck in my head. I hate it even more when the song in question is "It's beginning to look a lot like fishmen".
I'm in the middle of a second picture. Kinda boggled at the amount of photoshopping I've done today; gotten another page done in the book, gotten an image and a half of Other Stuff, even worked a bit on website graphics. Meh. Depression and worry and missing-people tends to make me more prone to photoshopping. And updating my journal, apparently. o.O
Must remember to pay Molly and Tyson back out of this next paycheck - been intending to through the last two but bills and meds have eaten every damn cent before I could do so. *twitch*
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Edit: Why the hell did the computer randomly decide to put a backslash in front of each of my apostrophies? I think I've gotten rid of all of them, but I'm not entirely betting on it.
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