I swear, I had it a minute ago...
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On a presumably-unrelated note... it's Monday. Haven't heard from him since before the weekend. No response calling his mother. I...
...no. There's nothing I can say at this point that is even remotely rational. Maybe he's back in touch with Mia. Maybe his friend got him into trouble. Maybe he's tired of responsibility, maybe he's found the love of his life, maybe he's off at a tournament somewhere, maybe he moved to Brazil, maybe he lost his phone...
...but what it boils down to is that in five days, I haven't heard from him once. Either he can't, or he won't. Neither of those options is a good one. I wish I had any reassurance that he hasn't decided he needs to disappear, cut me out of his life, but when every other fucking day of our relationship he reminds me that he could and would... how can I believe he hasn't?
Yes, I care. If I didn't care about the boy, would I have gone through everything, brought him out here when no one else would take him in, given him time, attention, actually fucking been there when no one else was? No.
I hate being overdramatic, and I can tell I'm doing it now, but I can't STOP. I'm worried sick about him and I don't have any way to find out if he's ok that I haven't already tried. I hope he's enjoying watching this - that would mean he's alive and well and just being more of an ass than usual. Another day or two of this though and y'know, I'm going to be hard-pressed not to hope he's in the hospital or something, just because then I won't want to kill him for making me worry. *sigh* Clearly I am failing at life right now.
Where the hell is my self-confidence?
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