I Aten't Ded
Previous - this entry written on October 11, 2007 at 4:28 am - Next

Not ignoring, never ignoring, love. *sigh* Yes, it's quite possible you could be talking about someone else but I know the odds are good it's me you're upset with.

I wish there were some way to keep reminding people that if I'm suddenly not updating, not answering emails, and not answering the home phone that we DO have a cell phone, I DO have friends and relatives on the coast, and that internet access there IS either limited, unavailable, I'm in the middle of Actually Trying To Do Something, or most common, would involve my parents reading over my shoulder. Even Cate hasn't been online, and y'all expect me to keep up? Seriously, if it is ever, EVER bothering you - and this is a general you here, as well as a specific - that I'm not responding to something, please FIND OUT WHY, then if it's still appropriate, be upset with me.

And Puppy, CELL PHONE. No, I mean it. CELL PHONE. You have one, it's what you USE, why can I not beat it into your head that if I don't answer the home phone to call the cell phone? Why is this not something you grasp? It's driving me up the wall, I keep saying it, you keep saying ok, and then... nope. If I stop answering the land line when you call, period, would that work? Or would you just get pissed and stop calling? *mutter*

If anyone ever tries to tell you polyamoury is easy, please hit them for me. You know all those little things that wives and girlfriends and mistresses complain about their Signifigant Other doing or not doing? Imagine that multiplied by about ten per extra person involved, AND then assume that the alpha in the relationship is always 100% of the time going to be either blamed for something, hurt by something, worried about someone, or more likely all three. *twitch* And it's not like I could stop loving them, you, even if I wanted to, WHICH I DON'T so don't go getting any ideas. *wry grin* This is part of why I want all of those I care about in one place, where I am: then they can all see that no, I'm not ignoring them on purpose, not trying to offend them, not off with someone else, not angry with them, not trying to hurt them (except in ways involving, say, hot wax or a flogger), I can see they're ok, they're not angry with me, they're not hurting, they're THERE... gah.

...and the really sad thing? Part of me is just glad that at least someone noticed I was gone. *hugs Torian*

I'm going to try to get some sleep now, it's 4:30 in the morning and I have Actual Things To Do tomorrow that require me being awake during business hours, plus a hellish sore throat, a horrible backache/sideache from not being on my normal mattress, I'm going to have to Actually Clean House tomorrow too, and... yeah. Kinda exhausted, dreading tomorrow, and if anyone wakes me before noon I'll likely try to bite their ears off or something.

I love you all - you know who you are (or at least I hope so) - and I'm sorry I didn't give warning, leave forwarding addresses, and find some way to productively be online. No, selia, this is not your fault; Lyo's computer is strange and uncomfortable, we couldn't get the laptop online anywhere but in a parking lot in another town long enough to get directions, and most of my time was spent dealing with or trying desperately NOT to deal with my parents.

Anyway. Yeah. Bed. *yawn* Technically I'm already IN bed, since without a chair my computer's still not really usable and the laptop is plugged into the bedroom wall right now recharging, but sleep. Definitely sleep.

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