I'd expected this.
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*quietly amused* So yeah, Torian? I was right. Kadin won't be coming down in April. Yes, he just told me. No, I'm not going to argue about it with him, any more than I've argued with you; circumstances are what they are.
Yes, part of me is very upset. I'd been looking forward to April even more than I'd realized, and knowing that I won't get to see Torian or Kadin is somewhat painful. Thing is... see, when Torian couldn't go, I told her that odds were good Kadin wouldn't be coming either, so at least she wouldn't miss meeting him. No, I've no idea if the reason for his not-coming is the same one I'd expected, nor do I really intend to ask anything beyond mild curiosity as to what explanation he'll give. It doesn't, in the long run, matter.
Ahh. Yep. He just answered.
I'd like to think that I was wrong, that the whole thing was coincidence... it's just... gah. If he wanted to come visit here, it's not like money's actually a worry, or wouldn't be by April anyway. Likely by then we'll even have an empty bedroom again.
Thing is, I don't think that's the case. Like I told Torian, if she wasn't going to be here, something would happen and he wouldn't come either. Consciously or not, he decided quite some time ago that being alone around me is something to avoid, and he's made it more and more clear over the last year.
Yeah, maybe this really IS coincidence. But... meh. His reason for not coming? Pretty much word for word what I told Torian he was likely to say. It kinda stings.
And yes, by tomorrow I'll be fine again. Most of what's upsetting me is just late-night depression, it'll pass, it always does. I'm just writing this to get it out, so it's not cluttering up my head any more. It's overdramatic, likely VERY inaccurate, and a waste of thought; the sooner it's on the page and forgotten, the better.
...dammit, nothing should hurt like this.
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