Not Really Here
Previous - this entry written on April 27, 2008 at 8:45 pm - Next
...and of course there's nothing I can DO about it, any of it, and yet people ask why the fuck I've been offline so much lately. I can't magically fix shit, I can't stab people in other countries, I sure as hell am not going to deal with any more drama than is already present, seriously, NO, I can't do it, I won't be it, stop fucking asking.
Sorry. Kinda in rant mode.
There are quite a few things that I really don't want to have to deal with, shit that shouldn't even be my problem, but because it's happening in my house I have to find a way to cope with it and try to get it cleaned up. The visit to the pain management specialist was basically a waste of time and money. I'm stressed because we'll be having company in a week, because the adorable pair are extremely at odds just now, because there's been a lot of company around already including people I didn't know and let me tell you, waking up to find strangers in the house? NOT cool. *twitch*
I can't take my dylantin 'cos I'm getting the weird not-working leg thing again; I don't have painkillers; I don't have fuzzies; hell, I don't even really have booze. I've got amatryptaline but honestly, all that does is knock me out - it doesn't actually help with depression or in any way make my waking hours more sane.
So yeah. I got an email from Radu; two of them now, actually. Selia, if you're still playing with the boy, I suggest you pull on the leash a bit, keep him the hell away from me. Kiharl has wandered off to visit a friend, Kim won't be back for at least a while and believe me that's GOOD because otherwise I'd be busy strangling her, Cate's off running errands and trying to get together enough cash for cigarettes... I really wish she'd quit smoking, but I know it's not very likely. *mutter*
Torian's depressed, stressed, and generally fed up with life and I don't fucking blame her.
...it's not even 9pm and it feels like a 4am moment, I'm dreading what it'll be like later tonight. With my luck, pretty boy will end up following through on his plan to stay over at his friend's for a night, and gods know if he'll even bother to come back, or when... I just want to bash my head against a wall until either everything makes sense or until I stop caring. No, really. I'm not likely to be conscious much longer, fuck staying awake, fuck that shit, fuck it HARD. If I'm going to get all stressed, I may as well do it in my sleep when it's not going to spill out on other people.
I really don't have anything else to say.
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