Recitation Of The Positive
Previous - this entry written on June 13, 2008 at 10:32 pm - Next

Owwwww... kidney stone, fucked with m'back, trying new meds apparently, and and and I have a hamster bite that I think may have hit bone. Whee.

On the up side, I have pho' soup and good iced coffee in my tummy, a huge bed, air conditioning, and a pool.

I miss a lot of people; those who should be here but can't be, those who could be here but have good reasons to be elsewhere, even a couple who shouldn't be here at all but I miss them anyway 'cos I'm stupid like that. Right now I'm the only person home and this doesn't happen often. I should be enjoying the peace... but yeah. Shira's playing, making me think of Torian, and I don't think I want to have the ache go away. I'd rather miss her than not miss her, because I know eventually there will be a Torian here again.

Delilah now; a song that bites deep.

So many people I miss. So many people I love, I long for, I care about, I worry about, I desire, I hate-but-I-need, I... yeah. But when the kits return with Cate, there'll be four here, Tiana's just down the road, Scott's not far, Ryan and Becca are in town, Angel's only a couple hours away, Kadin I could reach in a day and Torian I could call, Matt's just a few states over, even 'Nre I could find if I needed to.

*sings softly* I never met a more impossible girl...

I hope you've mended fences, love. I know he makes you happy and I know you're safe there, and I'm glad... but I'm also glad you think of us here, and that I got to kidnap you, and that I know if I need you, you'll be there. I try so hard to take care of the pack, and I know how often I fail, and yeah, sometimes I need the reassurance that I have someone who would come take care of me. *wry grin and a hug*

*sings again* Let's see how fast this thing can go...

The panic's coming on again; medication woes, I wish they'd just stick with what WORKS long enough for me to spend a month or two actually feeling ok, it'd be nice. ALready had one panic attack today and I can feel myself heading into a second one, so I'm just going to curl up, read, maybe watch TV, something calm and quiet. It'll be ok.

Even through the panic, I'm certain of that. My pack is there. My strength is slowly returning. My fears will be dealt with and my pain will be eased.

I am.

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