Someday I'll actually write this bit BEFORE I start writing, instead of ending up writing something about the last paragraph or two of each entry. Really. Honest.
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Just by existing, by being there, he makes me want to hurt him... no, not just hurt, I want to slowly rip him apart, strip away all that carelessness, all that pride, and tear him down until he's nothing, until he can't even struggle when I have a blade at his throat or a noose around his neck. I want him to suffer.
Entertainingly, at the same time I want nothing to do with him at all, I want to ignore him, to treat him as the waste of flesh and air that he is.
Ahh, Alex... thank you for giving me the words I need right now, thank you for giving me the knowledge that I CAN so utterly destroy someone... and that I can just as easily turn away, ignore them, forget they exist. I'm actually missing you right now. It's kind of an odd sensation, it's been quite a while since it was YOU causing this gentle ache; usually it's Torian or Kadin, Matt, Angel, even Rhett at times. It's been ages since I've thought of you in more than passing. Ehh; of everyone I've hurt, you are the only one I couldn't try to heal afterward. Perhaps it's for the best that you've finally slipped almost completely out of my thoughts.
There are two hamsters out and about; Flarb, Tiana's hamster, and Origami, the poor injured runt of the litter of Clove's babies... well, not the most recent litter of course, those are still finger-sized and furless.
Anyway. Bedtime now. I've been working fairly regularly and that's a large part of why I'm no longer online even though my back's stopped causing as much trouble... erm... well, technically it hasn't stopped, if I go off the meds completely after about 24 hours I'm in enough pain that I stop being able to move, but hey, when I'm medicated my back works just fine. *muttergrumble* Stupid spine. I swear, when they come out with a good mechanical replacement, I am SO getting it.
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