I'm In Love With Four Lost Boys
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In an hour and a half, I have to be at the office.

Again.

I need to get a shower and breakfast... and advil... no codine for me today if I can help it. Today is going to be a codine-free day just because I think it will be hard, but I think I need it.

I oughta be sober, right?

Of course, the actuality of this is that if the meeting goes horribly enough, I will be taking codine just to get the HELL out of this reality.

I completely abuse perscription (and non-perscription (and yes, I know I'm spelling perscription wrong, or at least think I am)) medication.

Hm. Too many little () brackets.

I'm going to be writing up a Big Serious Entry somewhere else, and (hopefully) (dammit, more of those brackets) writing up a long-overdue how-to-be-a-domme thingie, and possibly even posting some bad poetry in the briar journal.

Possibly.

Again, this all depends on the quality of my day.

I need to write a letter to Elru... this has been proving oddly difficult. I keep starting it and then having NO idea where to go with it. Very disturbing. I miss him incredibly, I could fill a page with "I love you, I miss you", but... ehh. When I try to write seriously, my fingers get tangled.

And I still need a shower.

It's the FIrst of November... eight more days, baby. Eight more days. Eight more days of worry followed by three hours of... what?

Pleasure?

Fear?

Will it be boring, will it be... normal?

Or will it actually be what a little tiny part of me, the one scrap of me that still holds on to sanity, expects?

I need to buy stamps, I need to check on my food stamps and go shopping, I need desperately to get to a dentist and a doctor.

I need.

Fuck wants... I have too many of those. I WANT to go back to bed. But I need to be productive. I WANT to take high-powered drugs and rest. But I need to stay sober and go about my day. I WANT to feel good. But I need to think about people other than myself, today.

I need to grow up a bit.

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