Damned kidney stone just shifted, fucking computer just rebooted when I was in the middle of writing a huge-ass entry, I lost the survey results I was going to post, I'm angry, irritated, frustrated, and in A HELL OF A LOT OF PAIN. This is not my idea of fun.

So yeah, fuck this.

I had been feeling... cheerful. Not happy, just kind of derangedly cheerful. Now I just feel homicidal. Pity that Torian's online, he's the one who'll end up getting the brunt of it. I'd wake up Kadin, but no phone card, ergo... yeah. Tempting, though... DAMNED TEMPTING. I want someone to hurt right now.

And I'm going to have it.

Have him.

Have them.

Gods... GODS... why is it that just a few stupid things will suddenly overload me and push me from a tolerable mood into downright rage?

ARGH!

*screams, looks for something to throw*

Fuck, fuck, FUCK this hurts! My arm is still sore from Monday's Evil Needleness. My stomach is in knots. I'm cramping. The damned kidney stone is tearing up my insides. I completely lost an entry that I was getting rather proud of. ARGH!

I feel like my entire body is revolting, all at once, every muscle clenching, every nerve ending screaming out. My hands are trembling. My eyes... I can feel them, they darken oddly when I'm like this - not to the degree I often describe when I'm RP'ing online, but they do darken, I've seen it in mirrors... and I can FEEL it happening, they get oddly heated, tight, as if everything I am is focusing into my gaze and my fingertips and the base of my spine, body tense and coiled, ready for...

...something...

...anything...

...GODS...

...make it stop!

It feels as if I'm going to explode... energy, I've had this fucking amazing energy buildup since last night, and now it's all backlashing, everything twisting inward, I'm burning myself up.

Angry.

Fuck off.

Arrogant little prick... sometimes he amuses me. NO, not one of my boys, not anyone likely to read this, I suspect. Just... a semi-friend. And dammit, he irritates me right now. Hell, everyone irritates me right now. Gods... intense pain, intense rage, can barely breathe it hurts so much, and NO ONE has the sense to back off when I say no. What the fuck? Why is it that I am NOT listened to?

Whose stupid idea was it to let the morons out this morning? I know it wasn't mine.

See, THIS would be one of the reasons I want Kadin awake and online. At least when I tell him to back off, or shut up, or go away, he DOES SO. Boy's got half a brain, which is more than I can say for most of the people

I know, apparently.

ARGH.

Hurts.

HURTS.

Why me, hm? Why now, hm? WHY THIS, HM?

And people wonder why I don't believe in God... if I believed in him, I'd have to devote my entire life to trying to find some way to destroy the sick, sadistic bastard.

Alcohol.

Something to dull the pain. ANYTHING to dull the pain. Gods.

Distraction. How the fuck do you explain to a slave that you want them to suffer, you want their distraction, but you CAN'T ask for it and CAN'T concentrate on it, and WON'T be all nice about it... argh! Gods, this HURTS... and I just want to think about something else... anything, please... please...

...begging never works. This is why I hate pain of this sort. Begging doesn't work. Threatening doesn't work. Nothing works. It just hurts, and hurts, and keeps building up, and up, and UP...

...owFUCK...

...gods, this hurts!