I worked as a professional Domme for a while, and although it was fun, I figured out quickly that it wasn't what I wanted. It cheapened everything... it was so much less real. Wasn't about mutual pleasure, or even my pleasure. Wasn't about anything but some guy's fantasy, paid up at a couple hundred dollars.

I don't want that. I don't want to BE that.

I want (and in my boys, I have) people who appreciate that I'm not 100% bitch-goddess 100% of the time. I want people who understand that sometimes I cry, and that my feelings get hurt, and that I like making daisy chains some days, and that if you hand me a ferret I will pet it, and giggle, and be happy as a clam for a long time afterward 'cos it's CUTE. I don't want to have to play a role 24/7, nor do I expect even my boys, my slaves, to be 24/7 in that sense.

I consider myself Dominant 24/7, in that at any given moment, the urge, the need, could hit. I consider my boys 24/7 slaves because when the need hits, when I NEED to take control... they surrender it immediately, without fighting, without pouting, without making me feel guilty.

And in turn, when they need to be small and helpless, or when they need their freedom for a few hours... I'm ok with it, and I'm there for them.

It's a partnership, a relationship, not just some fancy-schmancy piece of dogma and chains. It's about committment, loyalty, love, friendship, affection, trust, respect, admiration, and mutual pleasure... all the things that make a good marriage, a good bond between people.

It's a friendship first, and a D/s thing second.

Yes, when the moment hits I prowl, I growl, I talk about staying that way forever and I am so cruel that sometimes it seems as if it IS forever... but always, there are safeguards. Always, there is the next morning, and snuggles, and tears, and the pride and joy I feel when I look at the wonderful boys who make me feel so heavenly even when I'm going through hell.

That's what it's about, you see. Screw the whips and chains. Screw bondage gear and cages. Screw it all.

What matters is that submission, that balance, that friendship, and that level of care and love. That's where it all gets serious.

That's what makes this so wonderful.

That's why, having had it 'for reals' and having had it as a Pro, I can honestly say that I would HATE going back to working. It'd be like drinking sludge when you know that you could have pure, fresh, clear, cold water.

*grins softly* My boys. Mine. Happy Jax.