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Previous - this entry written on May 29, 2002 at 4:04 pm - Next I didn't wake up until nearly 3:00. I'd gone to bed at 1:00, pills in my tummy and a Caleb beside me, and until 6:00-ish I tossed and turned and couldn't seem to sleep. When I finally DID sleep I dreamed, among other things, about killing Juliet in a fight, then reviving her with Phoenix Down (of course), being on a giant colonizing spaceship after a daring escape from a race of odd creatures who were keeping humans as slaves, harnessing our psychic energies to serve their own purposes - we escaped when I and a group of a couple others first won one of the aliens over to our side, then learned how to use the energies ourselves, thus breaking free of their holds - anyway, on this colonization ship, some idiot had included a sandworm. Just a small one, but a sandworm nonetheless, and it was burrowing through the ship environment. We crash-landed on a (fortunately-for-us) wet planet, lots of water, and we waded from pool to pool, climbing on rockpiles, all to escape this creature. The sandworm part was interesting, the bit with Juliet somewhat tragic... and it involved my mother as well, who was going around trying to make me buy books I didn't want with gift certificates I didn't have, illogical woman. The part with the aliens was my favorite, though. There were these huge emotion-concerts, all color and scent and feeling, produced by flocks of odd little creatures that looked like giant blood cells, if blood cells were blue, sparkly, and could talk. The aliens that held us captive held a LOT of other creatures too... I actually got a bit of my submissive urges out in the dream, and sex with these aliens was... intense. Very intense. You never knew for sure if it was your body or your psyche that was being touched, taken, used... *shivers* Anyway. I woke up finally around 3:00 and of course Caleb, who leaves before 10:00 am, was long gone. Sad, since I suspect I didn't wake up enough to even say goodbye, which I regret - I know how important hellos and goodbyes are to me, and thus I want to provide them for him. I've been listening to a LOT of music from "Run Lola Run"... I don't know why it seems so soothing, but it does. It leaves me feeling as if somewhere, something useful is happening, I guess... that sense of productivity and satisfaction and just a hint of violence and sex that makes me feel as if survival is not merely an option but a likelyhood. Rare feeling, that. My latest personals ad isn't me-as-Domme. Why do I persist in looking for something that I know doesn't fit the life I am now living, when the life I am now living, flaws and all, IS what I've wanted for years? Why am I tempted by what, for me, damned well SHOULD be forbidden fruit? Why is it that I can't pick one side of the fence and stay there? *sighs* What the fuck is wrong with me? Ehh. It's all insanity. Run. I want to be a princess I can testify that the song Torian recommends is indeed excellent. The lines above are NOT quoted from it... they were just running through my head before "Poems for Byzantium" started playing. I got them out so I could enjoy the music. I think I am about ready to close this entry... Meganlala is bored and waiting for me to post something for her to read. I, on the other paw, am waiting for anyone else to post... I need stuff to read. Write, people! And if you have a moment, Sign The Book, please... I'm gonna go through and clean out the older entries soon and I want it nice and full first... pleeeeeze...
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