I received the "yes, it's really me" letter from Al-x on the third. Replied on... what, the fourth? The third? Something like that.

It's the fifth now, and he's not written back yet.

See, he signed the book without reading the diary, apparently. Without reading any of this. So I'm left wondering if maybe he'll end up reading through the journal, reading about himself, about me, about what I am and what I've been... and decide that maybe signing the guestbook was a stupid mistake, and that he'd be better off just dropping out of existance again. I rather hope he doesn't. I would like to hear how his life has been, what he's been up to, if he's done with college yet, if he's still mixing... I really, REALLY miss his music, he's one of the reasons I first got hooked on techno and I would give my eye teeth to have that tape back. *wry grin*

A little egotistical part of me is wondering if maybe he's read a handful of entries... remembered what it was like, dealing with me, being around me, talking to me... and if maybe he's actually having trouble deciding what to say. Nervous, perhaps.

I wonder if he'll even see this entry?

I am so very typically female in some ways, and this is one of them... when someone you loved once unexpectedly shows up in your life, in any way, no matter how small, it sends you for a loop, yes?

Old flames, old teachers, a parent or sibling... whatever it is, whoever it is, it's always a bit of a shock when you realize that no, you can't pretend that they don't exist, you can't 'go on', you can't do ANY of that... you have to deal with the here-and-now suddenly.

And damn, it's confusing.