I am... honored. That's the word I want. Honored, that she and her Master, their friends, Grr, and others... that they are all willing to pull for me, to help erase a rather unpleasant link to my past.

I'm hoping, desperately hoping, that the nightmares will stop.

I'm hoping that just maybe, I will be able to finally forget her.

To go on.

I'm hoping most of all that the day after, she doesn't arrive on my doorstep... or that I don't find myself driving down to see her. Missing her. Missing it.

Missing the dreams that leave me terrified, in tears, awake at odd hours... huddled up, thinking of her, remembering her eyes, her words, wishing that I could just let it go.

And one more fear: what if I'm just imagining all of this? What if I'm really, truly, nuts... if all of this is just in my own head, if she had nothing to do with it, it's all me?

What then?

How do I make the nightmares stop then?

But... I don't know yet. I'll wait. And I'll come as close as I ever have to praying... other than praying to her.

I don't think it would be... fitting... to make those prayers just now.

*pads off into the darkness, sighing*