It's not just the pain. It's not just the humiliation. It's not just the (insert act, activity, emotion, whatever, here). What a LOT of it is, is looking up at the person DOING 'it' to you... and realizing that they aren't even focused on you, entirely. That they aren't doing it FOR you. That they are doing it TO you. That's the difference.

If you have to ask for it, if you have to beg for it, if you know they're only doing it because you want it... it takes something away. It becomes less effective, less real.

Whereas if one minute you're sitting there calmly and the next you're helpless, whimpering, and you know it was their idea and their doing... gods, what a difference it makes.

Err.

I'm going to bed now.