So yeah.

Um.

Hello, Meganlala. I haven't told him yet. Haven't see him yet.

I'm not sure what I'll say when I do. What we'll say. He'll say. All of this. But thank you again.

...let me take my love and bury it in a hole 6 feet deep...

So yeah. Let me rest in piece... and no, that would be the way I want to spell it, not a misspelling.

...stop visiting my grave...

I know - I knew - that I should go. And yeah, girl posessed, and a traitor that I hadn't guessed at, hadn't realized. But no. He was my strength for a little while, she guarded ALL of us. Won't work now. Hurts now. Shatterpoint, thank you Grr, shatterpoint and an ache I can't even believe.

...I can lay my body down but I can't find my sweet release...

For those who have no clue: I've been reshaping the collection and part of that reshaping... involves removing, remaking, a few aspects. Those would be the 'obsolete' ones. And last night while talking with myself and with Meganlala and after talking a bit with Vicki, and today with a few words from Torian... yeah.

Another one bites the dust.

...pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name...

No farewells. No fanfares. This one isn't a remaking, isn't a reforming, isn't desperation. This one is cold hard logic and a deep, abiding pain that I'd thought was useful. Just realized.

It's not.

It's NOT useful to hurt like that.

*blinks slowly*

My desire for a certain amount of arrogant asshole is fading somewhat. And speaking from an entirely personal point of view, I think that's a GOOD thing. There are VERY few people now who I trust to see me like that.

(And yes, Rhett, you still hold that piece of my soul. *soft smile* That won't change. Can't change. I owe you a proper email soon, and I miss you, and I'm going to make you read this entry 'cause I want you to understand.)

Err. Sorry, slight deviation here, and go 'way, brackets.

Rhett. Drake. Friend. Lover. And the only fucked-up, arrogant, psychotically abusive bastard I would trust with my heart and soul. *grins* He impresses me, and I miss him a LOT.

Just thought I'd mention that.

Where was I?

Oh.

Yeah.

...guess my name...

There will be a slight... readjustment period. Sorry if I seem a bit out of sorts for the next couple days. We're settling things, mentally.

Tiamat - "For Her Pleasure"

Torian, thank you for introducing me to that band, they SO kick ass right now.

...erase the pictures from my mind
eliminate the presence of your kind...

Anyway, I'm outa here.

Someone sign the book? Please?