Dancing With Cats
Previous - this entry written on December 20, 2002 at 2:32 am - Next
Perhaps I've never made this clear enough. I'll do so now.
My boys have my protection as well as my love. That means that anything, ANYTHING, that hurts or upsets or disturbs them is going to hurt or upset or disturb me. That means that ANYONE who is foolish enough or thoughtless enough or uncaring enough to hurt them is going to find me furious and vindictive, looking for blood.
I've had this come up before, and I'd hoped it would be a one-time thing... fuckwit was, after all, never very bright to begin with, and really, it was a mistake I would have expected from him. I suppose I've come to expect better things from those I care about.
Again with the trust issues. Yes, I have enough trust issues to start a magazine subscription or something. It's a big deal to me, though... if you're not paying enough attention to realize what sorts of interaction lie between me and my boys, if you're not alert enough to keep from hurting them or me, how can I trust you? Yes, accidents happen... and in this case, I KNOW it was indeed an accident.
Doesn't mean I won't do whatever it takes to make sure such accidents do not happen again.
So where do you go from here?
Lady Jax says:
I rant, I bitch, I get VERY jumpy and stop trusting him for a few days... then when I see that he's at least TRYING not to make the same mistake again, I cheer up, trust him again, and get over it.
Lady Jax says:
In the meantime, I do my best to repair the damage he's caused, and to make sure that he's warned of ANY possible slips in the future.
The 'him' in question IS one of my boys, at this point. *slight smile* Even the best make mistakes. And it is my mistake as well, for not warning him of a potential pitfall.
I am not, now that I've had my rant and had a little while to think and calm down, angry. A bit hurt because someone I care about was hurt, yes. A bit disappointed in myself and in him, certainly. But I know that it'll be ok.
Hi, my name's Jax, welcome to the minefield that is my life and heart.
Gods, but I can't wait until Caleb is here... even though in some ways it'll complicate things, and in some ways be stressful, still it'll be DAMNED good to have him by my side. He is in so many ways my rock... my shelter and calm voice. I miss him.
I miss a lot of things.
A lot of people.
Dammit, need to call Torian... need to FIND the damned phonecard... I know it's somewhere but it seems to have gone AWOL. Frustration.
But it will be ok. *slight smile*
I've gotten to rant. I've gotten revenge. I've gotten my frustration out of my system, for the most part.
I know my boys will be ok, I know they will heal, and learn, and it'll work out.
That, really, is all that matters.
They are mine. I am theirs. We will be ok.
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