I love watching the sun set when I'm somewhere where I can see the city. I love the city at night, early evening, lights and movement and motion everywhere. I love the city when it sleeps, the early morning when dawn hasn't quite gotten around to bothering us but there's that misty grey light already creeping through the streets. I love the city by day, bustle and noise and smoke and the smells of pizza parlors and chinese food and people, gods, the people, they are everywhere and it's wonderful.

I see the world in stop-motion, sometimes... time-elapsed photographs etched inside my head, and when I watch a street for five minutes I see everyone, all at once, it's this amazing thing.

I can't get enough of the city, for that reason among quite a few others. It's always so full of life. I can stare at an empty street and see traffic, I can look at an abandoned storefront and see all the shops that were there, that will be there. I don't know why it takes my vision like that, I don't know why this city is so deeply bound within me, but I like it.

I like the city. I love the city. This is home.

I'm somewhat scared of the me-moving-to-California thing because of that. Portland has always been home to me. All my life, growing up on the coast, I pretty much lived for the times when I had a chance to get to the city. I used to look forward to the huge family gatherings because they were so often held here. When I was driving up to Portland weekly, it was amazing... I literally would drive downtown and just wait, sit, find a spot to park and stare and dream. And the bookstores, the library... gods... the Square. Pioneer Square.

I used to sit there with a blank book, a few favorite fantasy books, my tarot cards, and some carrot sticks. I'd spend hours, just people-watching, reading, writing, happy.

I am happy in the city. It encourages my madness, lets me feel comfortable. I have spent long, long nights stalking through the streets, dressed to kill (and hoping for some chance, some excuse, to do just that), angry, furious... and all of that would just flow out, rage slowly seeping out, each step leaving behind a bit of the frustration, and the peace of the city filling me, leaving me satiated, for a little while.

I've taken the MAX, our version of the light-rail trolly thing, in from Gresham. Penetrated to the core of the city, steel and plastic filled with flesh and spirit, people spilling out at every stop, newcomers pressing deeper into the heart of things, faster, harder, hands and feet and coats and umbrellas caressing in the rush, subtle fondle and touch.

I wouldn't be happy anywhere else, I've said. This is home, I've said. This is where I want to be, want to live, want to stay. And so moving, the thought of moving, frightens me.

I LIKE it here. I don't want to go.

I'm glad that Caleb is coming home. I am looking forward to his arrival, I miss him. And I am even more glad that I don't have to go down there yet... no leaving the womb for this girl. *amused*

No, I'm going to drag him downtown while he is here. We'll go and read together in Powell's, or ride the MAX, or just find cheap chinese food, or something. He will be here. I want to share the city with him once more before he goes back to the heat and distance.

I want to bind him just a little more to this place, this land.

I want him to see this as home, and to come back eventually.

*shrugs* Sorry. This wasn't the update I had planned... this is what happens when I watch the sunset for just a little too long, I guess.

Everyone should see Portland at sunsent. It's amazing.