I hurt. A lot. And thanks to the joys of Official Procedures, I'm going to have to go back in to Urgent Care if I want any more pain medication, because the pharmacy that I was told to go through called the doctor 'on call', not MY doctor, and of course the on-call doctor took one look at my med history and decided I take too much pain medication. Never mind that it hurts. Never mind that my normal doctor knows what's going on. They call a stranger, and now I have to go in to Urgent Care as soon as the pain gets bad enough.

I really hate this setup, I really do.

And today, ALL of today, I have to drive people, because Deb took vicodin and she has NO tolerance, so it's knocked her on her ass for several days. I had known I was driving her to the clinic, but I hadn't realized she wanted me to play chauffeur for days. *shudders*

Even if I DO get meds, this means I won't be able to take them, or will take them but then she'll get mad because I won't be willing or able to drive. Oh joy.

And yes, it does still hurt. I took my last pills this morning, after throwing up one set I managed to keep down another, and they wore off a couple hours ago. Right now, I'm living in agony. Not as bad as some times, true... I can still walk, can still breathe, but it's already GETTING bad, which means it'll just get worse.

Urgent Care opens at, I think, 6:00 or so. Eamon has a play tonight at 8:00. Guess which one Deb will expect me to arrange transportation to and attend? Guess which one will, in theory, matter more?

Sorry. Feeling a tad cynical. I get that way when I'm hurting. It starts feeling as if nothing can be done about the pain, as if no one WANTS to do anything about it, as if everything I try to do is basically wasted energy since it's all going down the hole anyway.

Right now I want a large bottle of painkillers... I want Caleb or Grr or Spike or Kadin or Torian or any combination of the above nearby, maybe gaming, maybe talking, or reading, or drinking, or just snuggling, or whatever... and I want to NOT have to do anything I don't want to for at least 24 hours. That's all.

Simple things.

Painmeds. Friends and loved ones. 24 hours of me-time. It shouldn't be impossible to have all three at once, REALLY it shouldn't.

So why does it keep not happening, hm?

Oh.

Yeah.

That's right.

This is my life, where goodness and happiness run screaming in terror.

*sighs, pads off to try calling more clinicians and the advice nurse and her chronic pain counselor, wants to throw up and die*