Some of it was... way intense. There was a lot of needle play, which left me feeling pretty queased, me and needles do NOT get along... lots of temporary piercing stuff. Scary.

But there were also massages and nipple clamps and a cage I would KILL to own, pretty women in damned little, and a girl who is the most masochistic creature I have EVER seen whose birthday it was... her birthday spanking left her bruised and bloody, I was in awe. *grins again*

We had chinese food - General Tsao's Chicken, or the equivilant anyway, at my fave chinese food place in the universe... yes, this is the same one I met Tash at.

Speaking of which.

*quotes a bit from a letter Mistress K sent*

Jax,

I caught him this evening. We talked for a short time. He made it very easy for me. When he answered the phone there was a short period of elation in his voice and then he asked me what was wrong. I guess despite my preparation I was not as level as I wanted to be.

I told him I had news to deliver and needed to do it personally. He asked me if it was about work. I said yes. He said you've been offered the new job haven't you. I said yes. He congratulated me and told me he knew I would get it because I was to smart and tallented not to. He said this means you will be down there for a while doesn't it. I said yes. He said and it means you will not be home for any significant period for awhile doesn't it. I said yes. He asked how long and I told him at least 5 years and home about twice a year for a couple of weeks at a time, most of it probably in *state removed*.

He asked me where I thought that left the two of us. I told him I could not ask him to wait that long. At this point we both lost it for awhile. Then he said he understood but wanted me to know if I didn't want to do this, if I wanted to come home, he hoped it would be to his home. He reminded me that he made more than enough for 2 people to live on and that he would like to see if we could not share a lifetime. I cried somemore and thanked him.

I assured him it was not about money or how much I cared for him. I told him I loved him so much but just could not walk away from all the work and effort I had put into this, anymore than he could walk away from his life. I told him I was so very sorry it worked out this way. He said he loved me to but would never do anything to hold me back.

Then he sorta shifted gears. Put on his I need to be professional voice.

He told me to have a wonderful life and wished me every success and happiness. I told him I would like to try and remain friends. He said he thought that might be nice and asked me to look him up when I was back home next.

I told him that I had told you last night and that you had asked me to share your phone number and that you hoped he might call if he needed to talk. He asked me to thank you for your kindness but to understand if he chose to be a bit reflective tomorrow. He said he might contact you next week sometime.

Jax if you don't hear from him in a day or two please send him an email, just so he knows you are there and that at least one person knows what is going on in his life and is willing to listen.

It strikes me that I may have broken his heart and there is no one in his family or his close friends that know about me, or that he can talk about this with. I know that cannot be good.

*stops quoting, sighs*

She did. He's going to be miserable.

And yes, he's a grown man, he'll be ok... but... gods.

I can't imagine what sort of mindset it takes to put work, a job, UNNECESSARY money, before love. Tash is right, he makes enough for a full family and then some, and Mistress K could continue working at her old salary back here... they wouldn't be hurting at all. But her work comes first, to her... and somehow, he is trying to understand this.

I can't comprehend it...

...but I'll be here for him.

I will be here for him, because he deserves it, he is a GOOD person, one of a very few I know. Yes, he's manipulative in a subbie way. Yes, he's kinky. Yes, he's Christian.

And he's still GOOD. He's still someone I would trust. He's still...

...he deserves something better than what he's just been handed.

I am beginning to realize that the world is even more unfair than I had thought. Daris... Tash... Kadin... and goddess knows, my own health levels aren't very fair. *sighs softly*

I think Rhett should run the world. Things would make a lot more sense then, and I would be healthy, if somewhat bruised on occasion.

Or me. I think I should get to decide how the world works. *wicked grin* It would be FUN...